I've been visiting blogs almost daily, when I have the
chance. It's been a little crazy around
here, but in a good way. (It seems odd
to post a good report while so many I care about are fighting the good fight
while their children struggle - please know that I only mean to share that it
can be done. And that I am cognizant
that it could all change tomorrow. Those
of you who've been reading here for a while know I've tasted both sides of this
battle.)
Things for us at this time are going well. My daughter has excelled at her new job, and
is enjoying the fast pace and certainly the bonuses she gets for closing out
cases. Both girls have enjoyed their
time together this year, and Christmas was something like a dream to me. A good dream!
One of the best parts was when my girl searched and searched
online and found a Rock Band game at a discount, to give her sister to use with
her Wii. This gift just blew my oldest
daughter away. It was extravagant, and
it was something she had wanted for a long time. She often enjoys a night of goofy karaoke
with friends and she has played Rock Band at other people's houses… But as a broke 31-year-old paralegal paying
off school fees, etc, it wasn't in her budget.
We had given her a PlayStation many years ago that the girls enjoyed and
played each other for hours and hours.
That one later was stolen for drugs by L. Big sister recognizes the difference between
her little sister and the "monster" (addiction) and never held it
against her that the game was stolen. I'm not sure I would have been so
forgiving. But then, I was too busy
looking for tools and cameras and other things, to worry about a game.
Laurie brought me tips and money, a few dollars at a time,
until she had enough to order this game.
She couldn't stand it any longer on Christmas Eve and made her sister
open her present early. They had SO much
fun playing that night. My husband was a
long-haired rock and roll drummer back in the day, and they even got him to
play the drums. I have video to prove
that he did. Once he started, he was
amazing. We were just sitting there
stunned and when he was done the girls were cheering for him. Little things. Things that so many families take for
granted. Sitting together on Christmas
Eve laughing and playing a game. I was
one second from tears the whole evening.
Gifts the next day were exchanged and it is the first time
in quite a long time that she has been sober, employed and happy at
Christmas. She gave us all lovely gifts
that were thoughtfully selected and will be treasured/used/loved. My eyeballs were about to burst, but I kept
it together.
DH surprised the heck out of me yet again. L's car "took a dump" (her words) and died, and he sold her the old Acura Integra that had been his mom's. At a price way less than blue-book. She got $400 for the old heap that died, paid him $500 for Grandma's car, and for a net of $100, she was back on the road, zipping back and forth to work and loving the mileage she was getting. She popped a stereo in it and she's one happy camper. Like I say, he continues to surprise me and drive me batty - maybe that's normal!?!
At any rate, we find ourselves looking at each other when our little
addict heads out the door for work in the morning, and we have occasionally said "we'll
always have 2011, no matter what."
I see this time as pure GRACE. A
gift I never thought I'd have, and may not get to always have. I am wallowing in GRACE.
L and LeBoyfriend are getting a place of their own February
1. It is a cute little two-bedroom
duplex with a garage - he is excited about the Man Cave and also having a
bedroom for his 16-year-old daughter when she visits. My daughter and his daughter get along really
well and they're looking forward to her visits.
A few days ago, L came down the stairs about halfway,
stopped on the landing where the stairs turn, and announced: "I need everyone's undivided
attention!" We all paused, turned
and listened as she announced that she had just gotten off the phone with her
parole officer. She had turned in her
monthly write-in (she was put on write-ins, and minimal supervision, a few
months ago) and didn't expect to hear from him.
He came by one night not long ago and talked to us/her about her
application to get off parole early for good behavior. He said it was a long shot, but he wanted her
to try.
Anyway, on the phone this night, he asked how she was doing,
and when she told him she was getting ready to move, he said, "you know,
you don't have to give me your new address."
She was confused, and said, "really? How come?"
He said "oh, cos they discharged your parole, you're
not a parolee anymore." We all
burst into cheers and tears simultaneously when she told us. She ran the rest of the way down the stairs
and gave me the biggest hug I'd had in months.
LeBoyfriend has been doing some odd jobs for us from time to
time and is driving humongous tankers for his dad's company, to and from the
refinery with acid on board. I asked him
once if he'd rather do construction, or drive, and he got this sad look on his
face and said, "Joy, I really love working with my hands, making something
useful, or pretty, doing tile work, putting down floors, even building
fences. But my dad needs me; and I owe
my mom and dad so much for all these wasted years, so, I'm driving for Dad for
as long as he wants me to." That
made me sad, and proud of him at the same time. I hope it doesn't become a
burden; does that make sense? He listens to books on tape and even
young adult oriented Bible studies as he drives, and I hope that helps the time
pass.
My house looks like a storage unit. I seriously expect the guys from Storage Wars
(do they show that TV show nationwide?) to show up and start bidding her stuff right
off the front porch. There's a sofa, a
new queen mattress/box springs, a newfridge, all stashed in the living room and dining
area, with about 30 boxes scattered throughout the living room, dining room, hall and den!….. they saved the money for the big stuff, and friends are donating things like silverware, a mixer,
etc. About two weeks ago, I spied a
"free" sign on an adjustable queen bed frame, sitting in a driveway down the street - DH and I
hiked down and carried that frame home so fast! Score!
She's eyeing a tiny gas grill for LeBoyfriend for
Valentine's day - will buy it and hide it in our garage til then. The next week to ten days will be chaotic as they move,
but good….
Normal and age-appropriate steps. What a blessing this year has been and what a
blessing to see them eagerly taking the next right steps. We look ahead to 2012 with hope and
excitement, NO expectations, and lots of love for our girl and LeBoyfriend.
(L and LeBF sitting on the TV she saved up for and bought him for Christmas!)
Prayers continue for all our beloved children....

"We will always have Christmas, 2011" You said it all right there. I have Christmas, 2011, and the comfort of those memories can carry me through any bad times to come. Actually, I don't even think of them as bad times anymore. It's been a learning, humbling, faith building experience. I feel we walked so much of it together, and we never gave up hope.
ReplyDeleteJoy, may the green, rolling hills of Tennessee be outside your window soon. You will fit right in with those friendly southerners;)
I'm in tears as I type...I am so happy for all of you. I hope and pray that your joyfulness will continue, and her happiness and contentment will grow. With full knowledge that it can end at any time. Here's hoping that 2012 will be just as wonderful as 2011! I love you all very much!
ReplyDeleteI am smiling with tears in my eyes. Thank you for sharing this dose of HOPE.
ReplyDeleteI am a crying mess I am embarrassed to say! But I know how precious all of this is. Really, truly. I am so happy for you. This post is just such happy news and I guess I didn't even know how much I needed some happy news until I read it. Thanks for sharing with us Joy. Bless your girl! And all of you. What blessings!!
ReplyDeleteHi Joy,
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing this. I remember feeling such a kinship with you. I still do but now you give me hope instead of company in misery. I think that Laurie has turned a corner. She has lived enough of the good life to know that she can sustain it.
when i read apost like this, i know i can't give up on hope....
ReplyDeletethank you so much for the beautiful update....
btw...the picture is priceless!
This made me cry. As I am in the very, very beginning stages of my now 21 y.o. Trying to maintain sobriety it scares me so much. Mainly because I keep hearing how is age is against him. When I hear stories like yours it reminds me to be patient and appreciate even the littlest thing he does that is good. There is still so much not good that it is hard. But, I know one day he will hopefully actually be responsible enough to get a job and save money, he has so much growing to do in so many ways. I am so happy you wrote this. All of us need to hear about the few that are doing well to continue our hope. It has been a long road for you and your family thanks for sharing how much better it has become.
ReplyDeleteI am so happy for you, Joy, that's all I can say. (holding back the tears). Love.
ReplyDeleteThis was an awesome post! So happy for you all.
ReplyDeleteThings sound really good. I am so glad for you and your family. What a great way to end 2011.
ReplyDelete