Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The hard work begins

Checking in.... not much time to write because this week is really the busy week. Last week was wonderful, and not as stressful. This week has been a long, time-consuming, and serenity-busting effort to get her where she needs to be to cut through a tremendous amount of bureaucratic horse puckey red tape.

Apparently, despite the fact that she filed every form known to man relating to warrants, and despite the fact that her counselor in prison stated there were no warrants, and despite the fact that she rode the bus home a free woman, and despite the fact that parole says she is not "wanted".....

Probation still wants her for two violations (missing an appointment, and picking up new charges - the ones that resulted in the prison time). DD2 even found paperwork (minutes, online) from her felony settlement hearing that show she signed for all cases to run concurrently and for there to be no warrants or holds when she completed prison term. The probation office (the boss of her probation officer) still wants this persued.

She has kept her cool through all of this. Her probation officer doesn't want her on her caseload. Budget cuts are keeping her caseload at a crushing level and she just doesn't need more to keep tabs on. She has basically told my daughter what to do, what to file, where to file it, and told her that she will not arrest her at this time. She wants her to keep on doing what she's doing. She is taking her meds, looking for work, registering for her college class, going to court to meet with judge, etc. Her officer said she is writing a report summarizing everything and asking that the case for those two violations be dismissed.

LeBoyfriend's and his brother's probation officer isn't so accommodating. The boys are in jail, and could stay there for 60-120 days. And their officer is fine with that.

While she was trotting around the courthouse getting signatures and basically serving the DA notice that she has an appointment with the judge to settle this, five different court offices said, "what the heck - we don't see anything here that you need to be doing this for."

And yet, the boys, who had the same charges, same case and same sentence as she, are in jail. They may go back to prison over this. The DA could apparently decide to do the same to my daughter.

This comes under that lovely heading of Consequences, but I have not mentioned that out loud. This whole process can be serving to reinforce to them that they really want to leave this behind and work on their recovery.

In the meantime, against this backdrop she has gone on three interviews, and gotten a job offer. She is going out "in the field" on this job tomorrow at the boss's invitation, to be sure she wants to do it. Apparently the job is hers if she observes for an afternoon and wants the work. It's a marketing position that she thinks she would enjoy.

She's taking her meds. She's running miles every day. She's waiting for an email that says she can complete the registration process for the college class. She's making a quilt for Le Boyfriend for Christmas (which may be celebrated in March!). She's going to meetings. She's staying positive (though very manic at times, with this recent court issue). She's gotten a job and tested clean today for probation.

Her officer basically told her, "I'm going to bat for you. It may not work. But never the less, don't "f#%k me over, and abscond or get loaded, because I'll send you away for years." And she would!

We'll know more after we find out if the boys get given more time, and we'll know more after she sees the judge on the 27th. In the meantime, she's going to "keep doing the next right thing" (her words).

She says she is going to get going with this job, stay on her meds and stay healthy, and write LeBoyfriend lots of letters. She asked me to come with her for the Friday night meeting at the Crossing Church this week. It's a special comedy show for the first half. Then she'll head to her Women's 12-step meeting and I'll head to a Coda meeting. Next week should be calmer with her working daily and things settling into place.

We are grateful beyond words for this little interlude. We're soaking up the good times, letting her handle everything she can on her own, and stepping in to provide transportation when the bus isn't going where she needs to be. I've not reminded her about her meds, but I see her taking them. She gets a bit frantic at times but usually can self-calm, or be reassured that God is handling this just like He thinks would be best for her.

Thought for today, that the Crossing Church posted on the LifeLines facebook page:
Recovery is a journey between two stations. One station represents total chaos, and the other represents total serenity. What is important is not where you are, but what direction you are facing.

Prayers for all our children and families continue!


  1. I am glad to hear this good news from you. Peace and joy to you.

  2. me too....and I love that quote ! SO NICE to read this. :)

  3. Thanks for sharing your journey. So glad your daughter is indeed, heading in the right direction! :) Blessings to you and your family.

  4. Gosh, I get a "bit frantic" most days. Isn't that just part of juggling daily life? Maybe I am sicker than I thought! LOL

    I am so glad to hear that things are moving along and *she* is taking care of herself. such wonderful progress huh. :o)

  5. What a wonderful post; and regardless of what she is handling, it appears that she is handling it! And a job already...awesome! What a wonderful holiday season for you and your daughter and the family (sorry about LeBoyfriend though).

    Take care!

  6. I am sooooooooooooooo impressed with your girl! I hope to meet her someday but if you read my response to your comment on my blog you will know that I only have ONE NY resolution for 2011: to meet YOU!

  7. Catching up - and what a great post to come to! Sounds like despite all the "run-around" she's keeping it together on her own. Praise God. And I need to take a lesson from her on self-calm :) Thanks for sharing the Crossing Church sentiment. Hope you had a blessed holiday.
    Love & hugs!

  8. Sorry I haven't checked in with you earlier. What an encouraging post. She truly is working hard at her recovery - and should be proud. Progress not perfection, you know. I love the quote at the end - - - I may use it on my blog sometime. It's great. And yes, the legal system scares the $#%** out of me. It seems so inconsistent and subjective. And, the "right hand" often doesn't seem to know what the "left hand" is doing. Navigating through this beaurocracy (sp?) seems almost impossible - so, kudos to your daughter for sticking with it. And your support and patience seem absolutely remarkable - and totally appropriate. Congratulations to you, as well. I'm impressed, and inspired by your courage to let your daughter take charge of her own recovery. Yay!

  9. I have been MIA for a bit but am back to reading and posting. So happy when I stopped by to read this. Way to go DD2, she always impresses me with getting back on the horse and as she stated "doing the next right thing". It is always such a blessing as parents to enjoy any time with our addicted loved ones. I am praying she will continue to do the next right thing over and over and over again. Much love...Renee