Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The hard work begins

Checking in.... not much time to write because this week is really the busy week. Last week was wonderful, and not as stressful. This week has been a long, time-consuming, and serenity-busting effort to get her where she needs to be to cut through a tremendous amount of bureaucratic horse puckey red tape.

Apparently, despite the fact that she filed every form known to man relating to warrants, and despite the fact that her counselor in prison stated there were no warrants, and despite the fact that she rode the bus home a free woman, and despite the fact that parole says she is not "wanted".....

Probation still wants her for two violations (missing an appointment, and picking up new charges - the ones that resulted in the prison time). DD2 even found paperwork (minutes, online) from her felony settlement hearing that show she signed for all cases to run concurrently and for there to be no warrants or holds when she completed prison term. The probation office (the boss of her probation officer) still wants this persued.

She has kept her cool through all of this. Her probation officer doesn't want her on her caseload. Budget cuts are keeping her caseload at a crushing level and she just doesn't need more to keep tabs on. She has basically told my daughter what to do, what to file, where to file it, and told her that she will not arrest her at this time. She wants her to keep on doing what she's doing. She is taking her meds, looking for work, registering for her college class, going to court to meet with judge, etc. Her officer said she is writing a report summarizing everything and asking that the case for those two violations be dismissed.

LeBoyfriend's and his brother's probation officer isn't so accommodating. The boys are in jail, and could stay there for 60-120 days. And their officer is fine with that.

While she was trotting around the courthouse getting signatures and basically serving the DA notice that she has an appointment with the judge to settle this, five different court offices said, "what the heck - we don't see anything here that you need to be doing this for."

And yet, the boys, who had the same charges, same case and same sentence as she, are in jail. They may go back to prison over this. The DA could apparently decide to do the same to my daughter.

This comes under that lovely heading of Consequences, but I have not mentioned that out loud. This whole process can be serving to reinforce to them that they really want to leave this behind and work on their recovery.

In the meantime, against this backdrop she has gone on three interviews, and gotten a job offer. She is going out "in the field" on this job tomorrow at the boss's invitation, to be sure she wants to do it. Apparently the job is hers if she observes for an afternoon and wants the work. It's a marketing position that she thinks she would enjoy.

She's taking her meds. She's running miles every day. She's waiting for an email that says she can complete the registration process for the college class. She's making a quilt for Le Boyfriend for Christmas (which may be celebrated in March!). She's going to meetings. She's staying positive (though very manic at times, with this recent court issue). She's gotten a job and tested clean today for probation.

Her officer basically told her, "I'm going to bat for you. It may not work. But never the less, don't "f#%k me over, and abscond or get loaded, because I'll send you away for years." And she would!

We'll know more after we find out if the boys get given more time, and we'll know more after she sees the judge on the 27th. In the meantime, she's going to "keep doing the next right thing" (her words).

She says she is going to get going with this job, stay on her meds and stay healthy, and write LeBoyfriend lots of letters. She asked me to come with her for the Friday night meeting at the Crossing Church this week. It's a special comedy show for the first half. Then she'll head to her Women's 12-step meeting and I'll head to a Coda meeting. Next week should be calmer with her working daily and things settling into place.

We are grateful beyond words for this little interlude. We're soaking up the good times, letting her handle everything she can on her own, and stepping in to provide transportation when the bus isn't going where she needs to be. I've not reminded her about her meds, but I see her taking them. She gets a bit frantic at times but usually can self-calm, or be reassured that God is handling this just like He thinks would be best for her.

Thought for today, that the Crossing Church posted on the LifeLines facebook page:
Recovery is a journey between two stations. One station represents total chaos, and the other represents total serenity. What is important is not where you are, but what direction you are facing.

Prayers for all our children and families continue!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

"T -2"

Two days and she’ll be home. Her room is ready. Clean sheets, vacuumed, dusted….

The room had become a junk closet of sorts, over the past couple of years. In the last month or so, the room has regurgitated all over the house, a lot of junk has been thrown away, the house contents have shifted and resettled with a contented sigh, and I swear, even her dog knows she’s coming home.

Every time her little Shiba Inu walks past her door, she looks in expectantly and then visibly deflates when she doesn’t find her there. Each time the front door opens, she perks up, runs for it and then sort of yawns when she sees it’s just us…. And goes back to her spot by the sofa to snooze. I don’t know how she knows that her owner is on the way home, but she does!

They’ve changed my daughter’s medications once again. This time I think we have a winner. I’m not sure of the exact cocktail, but the recent addition of Lamictal has made a startling improvement. And the best part of that improvement is that DD2 seems to be appreciative of the results. She isn’t feeling the highs and lows of her bipolar cycles as sharply as she usually does.

We still have our NAMI book/resources handy and remain cognizant that medication compliance is a huge concern. Only she can decide if it is important to her.

She will board a bus Saturday morning. She swiped plastic bags from the kitchen during her last few working days, to haul her Bibles and her recovery books home in. I hope that works, but if not, maybe she can buy a bag along the way with her “gate money”. I have no idea what’s available in a bus station, but it seems like a bag dispenser would be a good idea. She will ride all day. And at 7:40 pm (if they get her to the starting point on time!), she will be home.

We’ll all three be waiting with bear hugs. :)

After the weekend, she starts the hard work of rebuilding her life. Parole meetings, mental health meetings, job search, NA/AA meetings, church, and hopefully some fun along the way with her sister and her sober girlfriends, all of whom are anxious to have her back.

I cannot wait to hug her and hear her voice and feel the energy she brings to our household. I’m scared. Apparently, that’s 100% normal! I am so very grateful for this opportunity to make more memories with her and to enable her to seek her continued recovery, on the way to stepping out there on her own successfully.

We plan to sit down regularly to listen to her concerns and plans, and after Christmas, she/we will decide if she may be staying longer (whether she has gotten a job she can actually reach easily from this house is a huge factor in that, and she is considering enrolling for a class or two), or if she might be moving to a recovery home, etc.

We have zero expectations, much hope, and boundaries.

(and peanut butter, coffee and hazelnut creamer!) We’re ready!

Prayers continue for all our families and beloved children!