Monday, April 19, 2010

All done with the cranky...

And settling into resigned acceptance mixed with a bit of the sad.... And a lot of the glad!

It would appear at this time that the "three amigos" will be signing on their case(s) on Thursday. The best they (my daughter, Le Boyfriend and Le Boyfriend's Brother) can hope to get is 16 months apiece, prison time. (Time is automatically cut in half, so really eight months.)

If they sign Thursday, then Thursday night they will become "state property" and there will be a night time transfer to a different jail. From there, in three to four weeks, they will drop off the radar for about a week or so while they are transferred to the prisons. They will enter prison with about seven months time left to serve.

She actually expressed some regret that she will only be there seven months. Seems that's not long enough to complete firefighter training.

However, she is choosing between some other educational certificates she can earn, and is alternating between tears and sounding like she's going off to college and living in a dorm. I don't know if it's complete obliviousness, a coping mechanism, or both.

Her other choice was a two year program, very intense, with drug classes 8-5 Monday through Friday, and living in a sober home provided by the state. Any screw-ups at all in that program meant an automatic three to six years in prison.

Yes. I'll take 16 months now, Your Honor.

I'm taking things one day at a time. Today I dealt with my annual boobie mashing ceremony, and apparently something looked hokey to the technician who was rather talkative... extra mashings focused views were taken and records are being sent for to compare with my last mammo. I was pretty nonchalant about the whole thing and the technician was acting like she needed to reassure me. I reminded her I type these reports all the time and I know comparisons are done often and really, I was just going to go home and attempt to reinflate my breasts and get back to work. One in four women get breast cancer; why would I be surprised IF that happened to me? And if so, okay, I'll deal with it.

What I didn't say to her was "honey, I've pretty much lost my daughter to mental illness and heroin.... who cares about a boobie!"

I finished up my work and tackled a technically challenging quilt block and rocked out to some Elton John. It was a good evening! Tomorrow after work I'll add in an extra meeting and write my daughter an encouraging letter.

DH is still making the occasional caustic remark; it has helped me enormously that some of you commented that he might be speaking out of his own "hurt".

In fact, reading those comments may have saved his life. Just say'n!

He ripped out a good one tonight and I just quietly said "well then, I'm going to go sew!" And stuck on my headphones. *grin!*

I'm planning a trip in the next two or three months to my parents' home in Wyoming. It will be good to feed chickens, take some walks, see the beautiful scenery and soak up some time with my folks.

Life is good!


  1. I am not taking DH side just because I am a man be we do have to stick together you know. ;-)

    I see in myself so of the ways I acted in coping with all of this with my son. It wasn't pretty towards my son or anyone else that happened to be close. Sometimes it is just survival. I am so lucky I had a wonderful wife that understood more about me that I knew.

    Coping takes all forms. I am not making excuse for bad behavior or snide remarks but from personal experience sometimes you don't even know how hurtful you have become.

  2. You're hilarious - "reinflate my breast" and "who cares about a boobie". I'm praying that this time in jail will be different for your daughter!

  3. Nice post. You made me laugh on a weird day.

  4. ROFL. thank you for this post!! I actually laughed out loud and read it to DH.

    oh, and talk about caustic??? the junkie daughter came by one day to visit her children...she brought presents, of course.

    my best friend was here working on a college paper.

    as the girls were looking at their presents, I calmly said..

    girls, tell Aunt R*** thank you for the presents...

    their mother turned around and said

    why would you say that?

    I replied, in front of everyone..

    why wouldn't they thank HER, its HER taxes that paid for them!!

  5. I am laughing too! You are a good writer :)
    I kind of wish you would have said that to the technician that mashed you just to see her response, its SO TRUE!

    I hope your daughter does take advantage of her situation and gets some training in something that she can be excited about and make a job out of when she's out. 8 months is not that bad and I think its good timing for all three amigos to go at once.

    I think I'll turn on some Elton John....keep up the great attitude, its contagious.

  6. I think both parents are allowed to voice their frustration and pain without having to edit themselves to spare the other's feelings. That's what forgiveness and compassion are for, to let everybody be a boobie now and then! I'm so glad to hear your sense of humor is intact. It is a form of strength! Awesome!
    P.S. My advice is to NOT visit the daughter in prison. Let prison be prison and let her learn what she will learn. Trust the process. Or trust God, one of the two. But you didn't ask my advice, so it is worth what you paid for it. Zilch!

  7. Firefighting might provide a purpose that would appeal to an addict. The firefighter takes risks for a nobel cause. According to Stanton Peele addicts need a sense of purpose in their lives in order to get better. It is worth a shot!

    Take care of yourself no matter what she does!

  8. You sound good. Ugh--I'm glad that there is no testogram. It sounds way too painful to even contemplate.

  9. My heart hurts for DD2 going to jail, as I know your heart does. BUT my gosh, reading this post made me smile with warmth. You are an inspiration how you are showing your love for her AND keeping yourself okay and doing things for you, taking care of you.
    God bless.

  10. Your positivity today is uplifting. Thank you for looking on the bright side!

  11. I loved this post and every one's comments. You've reminded me how important it is to laugh at the absurdity of our own, and our addict's lives. I just read somewhere that whistling has been scientifically documented as a natural "upper" - it can effectively counter depression.
    Your going to a meeting (AlAnon?), sewing, listening to music - - all of these self care activities are obviously paying off. Keep it up, and modeling this for all of us. I'll be thinking of you regarding your mamm follow-up. Good luck. Peggy