Wednesday, April 28, 2010


Boobie update! I called my primary care physician, and she said they have not received anything from imaging center. She called the imaging center who said they have not received my 2007 one for comparison. I called the previous imaging center who stated they had not received any such request for the old films. Sigh. However, they had not only 2007 but also 2006 and would make a CD copy of both for me. No charge. That’s good of them!

DH has offered to make the hour-long jaunt and will pick up the CD this afternoon with a permission letter from me in his hand (per their directions). Either he, or I will hand deliver the CD (after making a copy!) to the new imaging center and hopefully from there, I will have some comparison results within a week.

Good grief and gravy! Isn't it a pain how proactive a patient must be these days??!!

Youngest Daughter update: Also checked the Riverside jail site and DD2 lingers there still. She expected to have “gone up” last night, but her name is still on the website which is updated every 30 minutes, so she’s still here. That is comforting to me…. I have no problems with her being in jail. She’s housed, fed, safe, and likely not using. She likely will be transferred to prison next Tuesday night.

Prison doesn’t comfort me so much. I am okay most of the time, but there are the occasional “crash and take-me-down moments” where I can NOT believe that my beloved daughter is on her way to a state prison. So be it.

Me update! I’m going to stay exceptionally busy in the sewing room and with taking care of myself for the period of time that she cannot call home, or have access to commissary to purchase postage, etc. I call it the Dark Side (like the dark side of the moon where astronauts can’t contact those on earth). When she’s on the Dark Side (and even afterwards, I’m going for new permanent habits here!), I’m going to really be focusing on my projects and work on remaining positive and productive. No slinking off to nap for extended periods of time, no binge eating.

Instead, these days, I’m slinking off to walk and rigorously following my eating plan, taking my vitamins, etc. My favorite place to walk is a huge reservoir that has a paved trail around it. The weather has been perfect for me and Sir Elton John to hoof it around the 1.7 miles of meandering sidewalk, at a fairly rapid clip! It’s good for me and good for whichever puppy comes with me! I’m working my way back up to going two times around the reservoir, without appearing to be having a Coronary Event afterwards….what with all the panting and red face, etc.

Family update: I’m planning a family dinner soon, which will include my “son”, the young man who lived with us for the two years after he got out of state prison. He’s doing SO WELL. He had a great job utilizing his computer geek skills but was laid off last month. No problem; he’s actively pounding pavement and working on side jobs and plowing ahead. His significant other is my DD1’s best friend (they are so close they say they share a brain) and she is a beautiful, sweet young woman that I adore. So I’ll have almost all my kids with us for a special dinner and make a few memories! Trinidadian curried chicken is on the menu (compliments of Pioneer Woman!), and without the curry from Trinidad - we'll have to settle for something a bit more local!

Anyway, that’s my update. Enough babbling! I’m off to check on you guys!

Friday, April 23, 2010

Lawyers, lies, learning processes, and life goes on!

Yesterday, she signed on her case - and I found out her public defender had misrepresented some things to her, but I guess that's part of the consequences.

I think lawyers should have to tell the truth…. Sort of like doctors take an oath to “do no harm”, lawyers should be compelled to honestly and fully disclose the consequences of the sentences their clients are being offered. (It has nothing to do with whether it is a public defender or a retained private lawyer.)

Contrary to what her lawyer told her, she Will Not be able to get any training towards getting better employment upon her release. She may not see a counselor or mental health professional with prescribing capabilities, unless she’s able to request one during intake, or voices suicide intent. Apparently, for seven or eight months, unless she is lucky enough to score a job, she gets to “rot on the rack.”

His misrepresentation of the facts pissed me off immensely. How many people get to this point, realize they are facing prison, and are told by their lawyers (whether jaded public defender or retained lawyer who is less than honest for whatever reasons) that they will have this benefit or that benefit, and in reality, will find out too late, they will just get to “rot”.

Not that my daughter couldn’t have been lying about her intentions, but she told me repeatedly that she was signing on her deal and taking prison rather than her other options, because after a very intense seven months or so, she would emerge with a skill that would help her make decent money (even as a felon) LEGALLY. She kept saying “I have to turn this around; I have to use this time to get ready to do this RIGHT.” She stated she was trying to look at the positives and that she would have assistance through her parole office getting placed in a job with her new certification, whatever that certification might be.

Not. Several sources have told me this is not the case. One source was a young lady friend of hers who just got released last month for the exact same charges/sentence that my daughter is facing. She said I didn’t want to know what she had to do to get the job, but she finally scored a job working the docks at 4 AM, loading the food trucks, in the sleet, rain, and freezing cold, but hey, it helped the time pass. But taking a class was not an option.

This friend said her lawyer (that her mom retained) gave her the same song and dance about educational opportunities and job placement assistance when she got out…. Not true.

How do we expect the ones who have reached this point to decide to turn towards a life of rigorous honesty and integrity in their affairs, if they are lied to by the very authorities they are supposed to look to as examples of how to live in our society?

Bottom line, I know that this comes under the heading of Consequences.

If she had not participated in criminal activity, she would not be in this particular position where someone could lie to her about her future. Cold, but true.

I wanted to deck her lawyer and hold my daughter tight.

I spent a good portion of the day checking the web site to see when the "minutes" of her case pop up.... CAN WE SAY CODEPENDENT?

As expected, it came up that she was sentenced to 16 months. That will be halved and time already served will be applied. She should get out no later than early December.

She called last night. She should be transferred up there in two weeks. She said after she gets through the first 60-90 days of “hell” in the receiving yard, and makes it “over the wall”, she will be able to explore opportunities that shorten her sentence a bit, with an inside drug program. That much I was able to verify, as it is described in the inmate reception manual I downloaded for her facility. I also found a web site for the families of inmates that had a lot of information about what she could expect.

She also knows her lawyer gave her incorrect information. She was pretty resigned about that. Apparently there are still positives in her mind, about state prison and parole, versus a county year with extended expensive probation costs, etc. Prison is over months sooner, parole is easier and cheaper, and there will be no "no contact" order on she and Le Boyfriend when they get done with prison. They decided that was the better option for them. Scares the poop out of me, but hey, it's her/their decisions to make.

She sounded good. She asked that I only write once a week so that she won’t miss us so much. She is already in that mindset, that place she goes mentally, where she just “does her time.” She knows the receiving yard is going to be the most miserable experience of her life, and she says she has talked to dozens of girls in jail who are going back again, who have told her what to expect. She says it’s no big deal, she’ll get through it, and then after she’s over the wall, things will be a little easier. And by the time she’s over the wall, she’s really on the downhill portion towards her release date.

She spoke with her dad after that, and they went at it over the phone, for a while. Whatever. I handle my conversations with her one way, he handles his another. Not my concern. She's going to call one more time before she goes up, and then we'll be on letters only while she is there, because the phone calls are rediculously expensive. That sure seems to punish the families, which just doesn't seem right. I mentioned I'd accept a call around her birthday, and if necessary, right before she gets released so that we can finalize where to meet her.

Now. It’s final. I’m surprisingly emotional, but I’m not giving myself permission to wallow in it. I’m thinking about going to go weed the borders in the front yard!

I may or may not follow through on that! *grin*

This weekend, I’m meeting with a friend to learn a new quilting technique and plan out a new quilt we are making. We have two very challenging quilts planned for next year, but we may cheat and start a few blocks early!

Never give up hope!

Monday, April 19, 2010

All done with the cranky...

And settling into resigned acceptance mixed with a bit of the sad.... And a lot of the glad!

It would appear at this time that the "three amigos" will be signing on their case(s) on Thursday. The best they (my daughter, Le Boyfriend and Le Boyfriend's Brother) can hope to get is 16 months apiece, prison time. (Time is automatically cut in half, so really eight months.)

If they sign Thursday, then Thursday night they will become "state property" and there will be a night time transfer to a different jail. From there, in three to four weeks, they will drop off the radar for about a week or so while they are transferred to the prisons. They will enter prison with about seven months time left to serve.

She actually expressed some regret that she will only be there seven months. Seems that's not long enough to complete firefighter training.

However, she is choosing between some other educational certificates she can earn, and is alternating between tears and sounding like she's going off to college and living in a dorm. I don't know if it's complete obliviousness, a coping mechanism, or both.

Her other choice was a two year program, very intense, with drug classes 8-5 Monday through Friday, and living in a sober home provided by the state. Any screw-ups at all in that program meant an automatic three to six years in prison.

Yes. I'll take 16 months now, Your Honor.

I'm taking things one day at a time. Today I dealt with my annual boobie mashing ceremony, and apparently something looked hokey to the technician who was rather talkative... extra mashings focused views were taken and records are being sent for to compare with my last mammo. I was pretty nonchalant about the whole thing and the technician was acting like she needed to reassure me. I reminded her I type these reports all the time and I know comparisons are done often and really, I was just going to go home and attempt to reinflate my breasts and get back to work. One in four women get breast cancer; why would I be surprised IF that happened to me? And if so, okay, I'll deal with it.

What I didn't say to her was "honey, I've pretty much lost my daughter to mental illness and heroin.... who cares about a boobie!"

I finished up my work and tackled a technically challenging quilt block and rocked out to some Elton John. It was a good evening! Tomorrow after work I'll add in an extra meeting and write my daughter an encouraging letter.

DH is still making the occasional caustic remark; it has helped me enormously that some of you commented that he might be speaking out of his own "hurt".

In fact, reading those comments may have saved his life. Just say'n!

He ripped out a good one tonight and I just quietly said "well then, I'm going to go sew!" And stuck on my headphones. *grin!*

I'm planning a trip in the next two or three months to my parents' home in Wyoming. It will be good to feed chickens, take some walks, see the beautiful scenery and soak up some time with my folks.

Life is good!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Still a bit cranky.....

I'm buried in work, and hope to visit blogs soon.... tomorrow at latest! Today was one of those days where the urge to "hurry along the 'til death do us part' part" surfaced.

I am unhappy enough about my daughter.

She's been transferred 75 miles away. What's up with that?! I can't visit under those circumstances. It was a three hour ordeal when she was just 24 miles away.

She's got new charges (two - felonies) she didn't bother to tell me the truth about at first. If convicted, or even if she pleads out on one of them, she's looking at state time, almost assuredly.

And someone who is supposed to be my best friend, and who happens to be her dad.....

Well, he made the mistake this morning of stating she's dumber than concrete.

A comment, my older daughter noted, he will not tolerate us saying about our little white chihuahua who really "isn't all there" and frequently manages to forget where she's going when we attempt to let her outside to go potty.... as DD1 said, "this isn't a trick, the door is right where it was yesterday, and the other dogs are leading the way!".....

As the little pup circles the dining room table a few more times, aimlessly. :)

I'm going to have a hard enough time dealing with the fact that my daughter is going to prison, and that my daughter was (again) stealing from other people to support her drug habit. Disparaging and hurtful comments about her intelligence are just not necessary.

I did not poison his drinks for his work cooler for tomorrow. I resisted the urge to go a tad close to the jugular when giving him a haircut this afternoon. All that would do is put me in a cell with my daughter. Aaack!

I miss her, yeah, but I don't want to room with her!

DD1 headed out the door to go house sit for some friends for a week, and was totally glad to go. I swear, she may turn around and find me over there too!

Back to work for me. Rant over!! Will check in with you wonderful peoples tomorrow! Here's a beautiful thought for today:

"There is more to us than we know. If we can be made to see it, perhaps for the rest of our lives we will be unwilling to settle for less." Kurt Hahn

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Make that "Mad, Sad and Glad"

Only you guys will understand my "glad" at this moment. When I was editing the new post below this one, I got a call from a jail in a city just outside our county.

They got her. No new charges, apparently. They just got her because of the warrant which finally went into effect and for whatever reason, she came into contact with an officer who ran her name. I didn't speak with her; I was called by an officer at the intake desk.

I had just spoken to her by phone this afternoon and while she would not tell me where she was, she gave me the strong impression they were tired of the game, and going to turn themselves in Friday after LeBoyfriend had a chance to briefly see his daughter who would be visiting at his mother's home at that time.

And so, she gets another opportunity to do some serious thinking. And she is safe, and she is/will be sober for a while. Hope continues to float!

And while she's "thinking".....

I'm grateful!

Mad and sad....

Hi, my name is Her Big Sad, and I am mad and sad.

This post deals with the sad – or the resigned feeling. That’s how I’d identify myself if I were asked to pick two feelings these days. Mad, which I mentioned a few days ago. And sad but resigned.

I struggle with the concept that if we follow the program of Alanon or Naranon, we will be “happy”. Several members at my meeting say this constantly. They don’t look all that happy, but that’s what they say.

At this point in my journey (obviously it could change! I’ve only been in Alanon a year or so), I think that it is a little misleading to say that.

I’m not opposed to being wrong though!

I’m not sure we should generalize like that. Maybe instead, I will be increasingly more at peace?

I have not experienced a sense of happiness very often in the last ten years. I think the last time was when my daughter took her one-year chip and her mentor told her that she’d always have a place in his heart, that they went way beyond client and counselor, etc. I watched her blow out her candle and Rick (the guy who brought her home one day with her “recovery puppy”) came over and gave me a hug, and handed me her blown-out candle. I have it in my little office safe. I had planned to make her a wall hanging with pockets, to stash her candles in, each year. To me, those candles belonged on the wall right beside my oldest daughter’s diplomas. Much harder to earn than diplomas, those candles!

She never quite got to the second candle.

Then Rick got sick (cancer) and for a while no one knew. He finally told us when he started chemo again, and I made him a “brick road” quilt, to symbolize the particular journey he was on…

He died four months later. My daughter was in jail at the time. During one of her sober moments, she mentioned she still can’t forgive herself that she was not there for him.

Sorry, I get off on a lot of tangents these days.

But, back to my question regarding happiness. I do think that I can be content, if that makes sense.

Maybe the words or ideas I'm looking for are sad acceptance and resignation, and hopeful optimism related to possibilities...

I have to believe that even if there is a pervasive sadness about my daughter for the rest of my life, there will still be moments of gladness and joy celebrating accomplishments (mine, or others'), definitely worthwhile experiences with my other family members, personal goals to attain, hobbies to enjoy, etc. This particular sorrow will still grab me when I least expect it, but I am hopeful that I will be able to tell it to “shut up and get lost” and redirect my thinking and refocus on positive things.

I’m not sure what I’m asking for here, but I would like to understand what exactly Alanon and Naranon are “promising”.

It seems as though even the Serenity Prayer tempers its promises of happiness, in the second half of the prayer.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.

“Reasonably happy” hints at “a little bit less than normally happy”? That’s like saying, after the flu, “I’m feeling reasonably well.” For me, that means, I’m up and walking, eating a bland diet and not straying too far from the bathroom, just in case!

Many years ago, I once gave serious thought to throwing a heavy duty mixer at my DH who suggested to me, during one of my full-fledged, super-duper pity parties, that “Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Apparently he was quoting Abraham Lincoln.

Now….. my DH tends to compartmentalize things. He has compartmentalizing not just down to a science, but elevated to an art form. An example is when he lost his mother. Granted he knew it was coming (she had cancer), and he had been travelling 8 hours by car to stay with her every other weekend for three or four days, for a very, very long time. He adored her; they took vacations together after his father died, and she was a much loved and much treasured mom. I miss her every day, and it’s been about eight years. I had an amazing wonderful mother-in-law!

But the day she died, he got the call at 6 AM from his brother who was with Mom (along with hospice personnel) when she passed away at home. DH took the call, talked with his brother briefly, strapped on his equipment and went to work at 7 AM. He literally tucked it away and worked that whole day, and the next, and the next. We drove up for the funeral later that week, and returned that same night. It was a 23-hour day by the time our heads hit the pillows again. And he worked again the day after that.

I can’t compartmentalize like that. (And given his diagnosis in the recovery room a few days ago, maybe he SHOULDN’T compartmentalize like that!)

But still, I think my DH is on to something. I can refocus when this threatens to take me down. Does that make sense?

And to me, my current understanding of the “promises” of Alanon/Naranon is that, I may not ever again be turning cartwheels of glee. But I can focus on the positives and the gratitudes, even while I have that pervasive dull grey cloud off in the distance of my mind. I still grieve. I catch myself worrying. I still cry and scream. But I can accept this thing, that I cannot change. I can stop flailing against it.

As Syd said in the comments of my "mad" post, "there is nothing that you can do for her except tell her your love her. It is time to live for you."

I truly feel that my daughter’s days are numbered (as are everyone’s, but her numbers are winding down, I think). She has told me several times recently, she thinks she is supposed to die from this addiction, and soon. She has admitted to trying to hurry it along…. She has seemed more depressed this year, and her bipolar mood swings have been more pronounced and more frequent.

I sit in the meetings with two moms who have lost one child to addiction and are watching another go down the same road. I know if my daughter doesn’t make it, I will think that I can’t make it either.

But maybe, I will do like thousands of parents everywhere, who have experienced the devastating loss of a child. It’s not the normal order of things. But maybe, in fact likely, I will find a way to take that next breath, and the next…. and the next step, and the next.

I am fortunate. I have 18 years of pretty happy normalcy of family life to look back on (before addiction).

Dammit, I want more!

Some parents over at CHOC (Children’s Hospital of Orange County) would give their eye-teeth and more, for 18 more months with their terminally-ill child. I’ve been blessed.

And I’m still blessed.

I do not in any way mean to make light of the experience of having an addicted child, or losing a child due to addiction. There’s nothing light about it; it is and continues to be, the darkest of experiences I’ve encountered in my life.

I’m not really sure what brought on this post, and the last one. I just wanted to vent my two deepest feelings right now…. Anger, and sad resignation.

(And just a little demented, but that’s probably just the result of having such divergent feelings all the time? Or …..shudder…… a bit of old age sneaking in!)

At any rate, I’m choosing each day to feel those feelings when they surface (often!) and then deliberately turn my focus to something else. Does that make sense? I think there has to be a time and a place to permit these feelings out of their box, let them hit me full blast, grieve, and then put them back into the box, and go on with my life.

I'm being a bit more selfish with my time these days. I declined to do a big Easter thing this year and face another empty chair at the table; instead my oldest daughter and I went to our friend's house and five of us crazy women sat around her big kitchen table with our sewing machines, working on our April block for a quilt pattern we are all making, each in our own colors. We laughed our way through another meeting of the Red Hot Sew'nSews and we laughed our way through the earthquake. (Which was a long one.) But other than feeling seasick briefly and watching the light fixtures sway - no biggie!

Right now, today, I’m going to count my many present blessings and focus on the positive possibilities!

(And “you never know!” She just may get it. I may get more healthy, sober years with my daughter. I may yet get to make that wall hanging to hold those birthday candles!!)

My block from yesterday's quilting bee....

Friday, April 2, 2010

More collateral damage....

Readers’ Digest version: During a procedure to dilate a constriction in his esophagus (Schatzki’s ring) my husband was found to have abundant and large esophageal ulcers. It is the consensus of the medical profession that stress does not CAUSE ulcers. However, stress certainly will WORSEN them, or prevent them from healing. During a phone call later to check on him, his doctor asked me “is your husband under a tremendous amount of stress?”

Ya think? I seriously had a moment where I thought I would burst into hysterical laughter/tears.

Since these were not present at an earlier procedure to remove a food bolus during a choking spell, they are a new and recent development. And since he has a strong family history of cancer, and esophageal ulcers can develop into esophageal cancer…. There is apparently cause for concern and biopsies were taken. Everything looks benign now.

But he’s got to learn some new coping mechanisms, or we’re going to lose more than just our daughter to this. Her situation is not the only stressor in his life. But it is by far, the largest and the most painful. It eclipses everything else.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Well-mixed emotions - Mad....

"Hi, my name is Her Big Sad, and I am mad."

We used to have to introduce ourselves at family therapy sessions and state at least two feelings we were experiencing.

Today I’m writing about just one - the mad. I’ve noticed I am way more cranky these days, concerning my daughter. I went through an angry spell many years ago and really thought I had passed that point. Guess not.

I’ve reached my patience limit with so much of her situation.

For example: with my daughter’s creditors’ calls and letters. I've started calling every creditor as the bills come in, and telling them, "I know you can't talk to me about her financial issues. But let me talk to you. She's a homeless, asset-less, mentally-ill drug addict and has been incarcerated and will be incarcerated again, any day now..... Good luck, Chuck, with getting the money from her. Get the word out - she's sucking all of you dry and you haven't a prayer of collecting."

I usually try to say it a little more nicely. I don’t always succeed. It just seems like in the age of computers, they could somehow flag their internal database in some fashion and at LEAST not reissue more credit to her in the future. Some of these stupid credit cards have issued her more than one card which she has abused and discarded. Capital One did that. After losing over ten grand to her, they issued another card. WTF. ('scuze me!)

And the hospital bills? What is the point in pestering the family of an indigent adult – this is not their bill or legal responsibility (if it was, I’d go bankrupt!). Once they are told this is not her address and not our responsibility, why must they continue to call?

However, I realize right now, my anger stems mostly from the fact that I know what she is doing. She's gone on "good ones" often enough, and in the past, I've cleaned up the wreckage often enough (packing up her stuff after she's arrested and bringing it home), that I KNOW WHAT SHE'S DOING. She is breaking into cars and houses, stealing, and selling for drug money/motel money, etc. When she's sober, she expresses remorse, contrition, etc. And I think she probably means it at that time. But when she's loaded? She sees absolutely nothing wrong with her actions. "That's what insurance is for, Mom. I'm not hurting anyone." How did she miss the basic message I taught her from the cradle..... if it doesn't have your name on it, don't touch it.

I'm sick to death of throwing away glass cutters and lock picks.

I no longer pack her up. Haven't for a while. If she loses her nicer work clothing and her prized hoodies along with her glass cutters, lock picking kits, and drug paraphernalia, so be it.

She usually calls every four or five days. Oddly, I don't always want to talk with her for long, when she's running amok. I’m profoundly grateful to hear her voice. And I'm angry. What a mix! I tell her I love her and I close the conversation pretty quickly, after reminding her that today would be a great day to turn herself in..... I say it nicely. I honestly don’t dwell on that. I try to be positive. I write her an e-mail about once a week that is loving and reminds her of the good qualities and strengths hidden down inside the shell she has erected around her. She wrote me back a week ago and thanked me for the emails, stating I encourage her more than she can say. (but not quite enough to turn herself in just yet!)

She called yesterday and mentioned again that they are planning to turn themselves in after Le Boyfriend sees his daughter when she visits later this week from out of state. And across the miles, Lou’s voice is carried on the winds that are blowing today…… “show me, don’t tell me….show me!”

I miss you, Lou!! *grin!*

I don't even remind her that I had offered her a ride for turning herself in, any more. She can get there herself. She’s getting everywhere else she wants to be….. food, motel room, pawn shop, connection, his parents’ house, more connections, etc. I’d probably take her if she asked, in order to keep my promise, and actually would be glad she made that choice, but I’m not actively offering any more. I’m cranky.

I know that she will probably have to go to prison soon. And that's okay. I mean, it’s not okay. But it is what it is.

In a preverse way, I think she WANTS that. Why?

Where is this anger coming from? I've gotten so cold/numb. I don’t even check the website any more. If she's in, she'll call collect. This time, I may not take any calls after the first one. We used to take one a week. I'm even sick of that.

I know this is a disease. But I don't think my daughter is going to recover. I'm mad, sad, and numb. I'm also aggressively trying to move on. I guess ten years will do that to you. I identify strongly with what Fractal Mom has said so often. My daughter appears to be already gone.

I hope. I pray. But I temper it in reality. And the likelihood that for my daughter, it will not come to pass.

I used to tell myself that she could beat statistics, beat the disease, beat this enemy back down and walk over it to a life full of promise. Now I remind myself instead of a wise
blogger's comment: “I must learn to live in the world of what is, and not in the world of what ought to be.”

I am mad.

I love her.

I miss her so damn much.

Edited to add: Warrant for LeBoyfriend’s brother is finally in force. I do not understand why it takes so long from the time you miss a probation appointment and they report it (which happened immediately – the morning after she missed!), until the time the judge signs and warrant becomes effective. Anyway, it’s my understanding that the warrants for her and LeBoyfriend will be about 5-7 days behind the brother’s, going into effect. Hope springs. Now if we can just get them pulled over for looking suspicious…. Maybe all three of them will end up where they need to be. She said they were pulled over a couple weeks ago, and held their collective breaths while the police ran their names, but since the warrants weren’t up yet, they were free to go. The slowness of this process astounds me sometimes. And my oldest, DD1, says that its going to get worse. She’s in paralegal studies and her professors have said that the court system is laying off, in some cases, 50% of their support personnel. Lawyers are beginning to work as paralegals. Paralegals can’t get jobs. And the court system is grinding down to an even slower crawl. What a mess!

Well, my day holds other concerns than DD2 and her escapades. I’ve prayed and put her in His hands, and I have transcription work to do, a husband to get through a minor surgical procedure today, and a dog sit job to carry out, in addition to taking care of our five pups!! Life goes on!!