Friday, March 5, 2010

One call....

DH called our daughter a few days ago. No response.

I called yesterday. She eventually called back. She is with Boyfriend and his brother. The conversation was calm, punctuated by the occasional nervous laugh on her part.
I asked if she had any good ideas… especially about what may happen when she misses her next probation appointment. She said they’ll be looking for her then.

(I didn’t mention that I think they are looking for them now, since the fact that she is not at the sober home address was reported to probation by the house owner.)

They have openly admitted they are “running amok” (using).

I told her I loved her and that I guess she’s gotta do, what she’s gotta do.

I reminded her that she had just completed a comfortable detox (compared to detoxing in jail) and been provided (by her ex-sponsor) with a sober home bed from which to make the necessary phone calls to obtain the rehab she repeatedly says she wants. She was within a couple weeks of getting exactly what she said she wanted/needed, and she chose to walk out of that sober home and get loaded within an hour of arriving there.

I didn’t say it mean; I just said that I didn’t understand why she did it. And that I still was praying for her and hoping she’d find her way to sobriety. She said something like “that’s the plan, mom.”

I asked that she and the boys call home occasionally just to let their respective families know they are alive. She agreed (they did too, in the background, so I really hope Boyfriend and his brother call his mom).

I’m not sure there is anything else I can do. She knows she is loved. She knows I’m not going to attempt to drag her back to do what she knows she should be doing.

DH and I have decided that if she should call and ask for help, we will offer to come and get her and take her directly to probation. (So she will have to meet us in daylight hours well before probation closes.) And she will be assured we will not in any way try to turn in or report the Boyfriend. If she wants to walk away from the situation, we can pick her up and take her to probation and sit with her until her P.O. comes to the waiting room to get her (at which time she’ll go back to jail). From jail, perhaps the judge will have her wait, in a sober condition, for a bed to open at rehab. She doesn’t seem able or willing to get there from the outside. Other than that, I have NO good ideas. (Of course, the judge may think prison would accomplish the same thing.)

I can’t think of anything else we can do for her at this point. She is not asking for anything.

I’m busying myself with a quilting project. My dad and mom work closely with two women’s crisis centers in Wyoming where they live. They often use coupons and score household items at a good price and drop them off at the houses, and they are good friends with the ladies that run/manage the homes. These houses are for women/children trying to leave abusive situations at home. Sometimes they run from their abusive situation with nothing but the clothes they are wearing and the children in their arms.

My quilting friends and I are going to make simple, bright, colorful quilts for each of the beds/cribs in the two group homes. I got one quilt completely cut out and half the blocks made last night. I’ll post a picture when the quilt top is completed. This project is really helping me focus on doing something I find relaxing and meaningful. I pray for my daughter and all our blogging community while sewing – it calms me and then I turn my attention back to the quilt at hand!

We hope the quilts will help create a warm, homey appearance at the women’s crisis centers. The goal is to have them all made by “first frost” next fall. (That’s probably optimistic, given that sometimes it has been known to snow on their Fourth of July parade! But hopefully we’ll have them done by September!)

My dad has already made two crib quilts tops! I will “sandwich” the tops with batting and backing and stitch/quilt them together soon. A friend donated a completed crib quilt she made for a contest that she really did not have planned for a specific baby. Another friend has a twin sized quilt she made while taking a quilting class to learn a specific technique; she’s donating that one. We’re well on our way!

- My youngest daughter is alive and there is hope.
- My oldest daughter is doing well in her paralegal studies, despite worrying about Sister.
- My work is at a level that pays our bills!
- My sewing friends are enthusiastically helping me with this project!
- We’ve received donations of fabric from several quilters’ stashes!
- The cool weather and sunshine - Loving SoCal right now!
- DH’s dogs, that make me laugh with their antics.
- My lettuce is growing well.
- It’s Friday!

Wishing us all a peaceful weekend!


  1. I just printed a prayer list, including you and DD2, so that I can pray for everyone daily, instead of from memory. Hope you have a great weekend!


  2. We'll never know why they do what they do. My daughter was using within one hour of being released from jail where she had been fro 3 months. Glad you are in touch with her. Have a peaceful, sunny weekend too.

  3. It sounds good that you are in a healthy place right now and I know from experience how devastaing the journey is to get to that place. Work on yourself so you can be ready if daughter ever becomes ready.

  4. I agree with all the comments above; and I don't have anything fantastic to add...except you, your daughter and the rest of your family remain in my prayers. I am also loving SoCal right now. The hills are so green and when the sky is blue, it is awesome! Take care of yourself.

  5. I am ALSO loving So Cal right now, so many birds in our yard today all signing and chirping.

    My personal hope for DD1 is that they do make her sit in jail for as long as it takes to get a bed at a good rehab. Of course that doesn't mean she will stay at the rehab but no guarantee that will change anything. I just loved it when Kev was in jail, I slept so well knowing exactly where he was and what he was doing for 90 days.

    The quilts you are making for the cribs sound WONDERFUL! How special for the women and their children to have something not only beautiful and cheery, but made with LOVE just for THEM!

    You rock!

  6. So nice of you to turn your angst into warm beautiful quilts for women in trouble. I am glad you are holding on to your calm and going on with your life in spite of these troubles. I think about you and check in on your blog every day.

  7. Your serenity shines through all the dark clouds. As you say - she is alive, there is hope. Nice gratitude list.

  8. I need to write down more gratitudes. I'm so sorry to read that your daughter is still "out there". It sounds like you're doing what a parent should do-- offer support, but no money.

  9. If drugs had any fun left in them, addicts would never stop. It just takes so long to associate drugs with the acid rain pouring down on their heads. When you write that there's nothing more you can do, I understand what you mean. But I think that stepping back, letting it rain and praying is actually you doing a lot. I can't wait to see a picture of the quilts.

  10. I think your plan/what you're doing is awesome - right on track - I don't think there IS anything more/else/better you could be doing. And I am thankful the quilting project has given you a positive focus. Looking forward to the pictures being posted!
    God bless, and I am praying for you all too!

  11. You sound really good. All we can do is pray. Her HP and she will have to work out the rest.

  12. I agree with Madison, that the best thing you are doing is letting the situation unfold as it will according to your daughter's actions. You're letting the consequences rain down on her, and turning your thoughts to helping others who are seeking help. Prayer changes things, too. My mom prayed for me for years. I wasn't ready until the consequences and misery were too great to bear. Then we grab for that lifeboat. Keep trudging!