She called this afternoon to ask if I had talked with Le Boyfriend's mom. I said "yes!" I said, "I'm sorry honey, but I had to do a reality check. Finding out that you lied about spending the night with them last night, answered a lot of questions." She said, "yeah, I know."
She asked if she could come home. I asked if she could test clean. She said she could not. I said that I did not feel she should come home.
I asked if she could go to Probation for help (if you come in "dirty" asking for help, they are more likely not to bust you, but work with you for a program?). She said she'd be given the same list she already had in her purse, of places to call each morning at 7 AM, hoping to locate an open bed. She wanted to come home to stay til she got a bed. She asked if Dad would let her do that.
He was asleep when she called (after worrying about her most of the night) and so I suggested she use what was left of her paycheck to do that from a sober home. I also told her that I would ask him when he got up, and not stand in his way if he wanted to consider that option.
I told her I loved her. That I'd gladly, if I could, flip a switch and take that addiction from her if I knew she would NEVER want it again, would even be repulsed by any drug out there. But that I haven't got a magic switch and no matter how much I love her, I can't do it. Only SHE can do it.
I told her I believed in her. That I know she CAN do it. That I've SEEN her do it. And that I hoped she would keep in touch with us and let us know where she landed, if she got into a detox, or a program, and that if she was doing the work and allowed visitors, I'd certainly cheer, come and visit and hug, etc. But that I can't do this for her.
While I think separating from the boyfriend would be extremely helpful, I suggested if they could not do that, perhaps they consider trying to get into the detox at Staunton or one like it, together (coed). Any detox is better than no detox.
I reiterated to her how much she is Loved. Treasured. Wanted. Prayed for. Hoped for. And again, LOVED. She said she loved us and that she would let us know what was going on. She was crying.
DH got up from his nap and I filled him in.... he has decided she is not coming home. I will pack up her stuff from the living room tomorrow and get it out of sight in the garage.... My oldest daughter has GOT to focus during this most difficult semester (one midterm is this Thursday), and hopefully a more normal landscape and two parents who appear in control of themselves, will help her. We simply can't all go down in flames at once.
When I talk with her next, I will remind her there are beds at the Salvation Army right now. That information escaped my feeble mind while I actually had her on the phone. And once again, I'll remind her that she is loved.
Thank you for your prayers and comments!