Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Yep, that's Duck Poop

She called this afternoon to ask if I had talked with Le Boyfriend's mom. I said "yes!" I said, "I'm sorry honey, but I had to do a reality check. Finding out that you lied about spending the night with them last night, answered a lot of questions." She said, "yeah, I know."

She asked if she could come home. I asked if she could test clean. She said she could not. I said that I did not feel she should come home.

I asked if she could go to Probation for help (if you come in "dirty" asking for help, they are more likely not to bust you, but work with you for a program?). She said she'd be given the same list she already had in her purse, of places to call each morning at 7 AM, hoping to locate an open bed. She wanted to come home to stay til she got a bed. She asked if Dad would let her do that.

He was asleep when she called (after worrying about her most of the night) and so I suggested she use what was left of her paycheck to do that from a sober home. I also told her that I would ask him when he got up, and not stand in his way if he wanted to consider that option.

I told her I loved her. That I'd gladly, if I could, flip a switch and take that addiction from her if I knew she would NEVER want it again, would even be repulsed by any drug out there. But that I haven't got a magic switch and no matter how much I love her, I can't do it. Only SHE can do it.

I told her I believed in her. That I know she CAN do it. That I've SEEN her do it. And that I hoped she would keep in touch with us and let us know where she landed, if she got into a detox, or a program, and that if she was doing the work and allowed visitors, I'd certainly cheer, come and visit and hug, etc. But that I can't do this for her.

While I think separating from the boyfriend would be extremely helpful, I suggested if they could not do that, perhaps they consider trying to get into the detox at Staunton or one like it, together (coed). Any detox is better than no detox.

I reiterated to her how much she is Loved. Treasured. Wanted. Prayed for. Hoped for. And again, LOVED. She said she loved us and that she would let us know what was going on. She was crying.

DH got up from his nap and I filled him in.... he has decided she is not coming home. I will pack up her stuff from the living room tomorrow and get it out of sight in the garage.... My oldest daughter has GOT to focus during this most difficult semester (one midterm is this Thursday), and hopefully a more normal landscape and two parents who appear in control of themselves, will help her. We simply can't all go down in flames at once.

When I talk with her next, I will remind her there are beds at the Salvation Army right now. That information escaped my feeble mind while I actually had her on the phone. And once again, I'll remind her that she is loved.

Thank you for your prayers and comments!


  1. I know you had a sad difficult talk. Our thoughts are with you and your husband.

    Dad and Mom

  2. Your strength is amazing...I'm sure you were drained when you finished that conversation. My prayers are with you, and I'm praying a bed will open up for her. I love you, Sis.

  3. Even though I have a lot of empathy I honestly cannot help but to feel a little like rejoicing right now.

    Once I heard several nights at the hotel, I was on edge and wondering how your DH was ultimately going to respond.

    Although a painful step and a hard to digest realization has occurred, I think it is so necessary to let her stand on her own two feet, especially because they are webbed right now.


  4. I'll keep you, DH, DD2 AND DD1 in my prayers. I know you and DH made the right choice and it sounds like you and DD2 had an open conversation. But I do not envy how hard it is on you and DH (and DD1).
    Glad you had the insight to be in contact with Le boyfriend's parents.
    Truly praying for strength for you & DH, and grace for DD2.

  5. Duck poop stinks! I just got caught up on the last two posts, never a dull moment is there? I am hoping for some very dull moments for you soon! I cringe when I think of addicts in hotels. Don't lose hope. Anthony was also given phone number to call every morning and he got a bed today! He thought it would be weeks before he got one. So lets hope and pray together that DD2 ends up where she needs to be soon. Keep being strong. Take care of yourself and your BS (blood sugar).

  6. Wouldn't it be great if "enough" love was all it would take to get sober. Self-esteem is acquired by doing esteemable acts. She has to want it before she can find it.

    You are doing the right thing. God will help her when she's ready. Keep praying and do what's best for everybody else. It sounds like you are.

  7. your strength is what you need to hold onto now. concentrate on the upcoming wedding, being there for the student daughter, staying on the same page as your husband...and taking care of yourself!!

    I will pray for you guys. I know that sounds sort of trite, but I really do it LOL

  8. Tough love. It is hard, I know.