Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Quack, Quack.....

She left rather unexpectedly Friday night, to "spend the night with Le Boyfrind at a hotel." She made it sound like this was "for Valentine's day" and for one night only. She also had alluded to some changes that had taken place at Boyfriend's house, as far as the boys staying there, etc.

I mentioned I wasn't sure that was a healthy idea, but that it was up to her.

The next day, she texted her sister that they had gotten the room for another day.

Then on Sunday, she texted her sister the same message.

Monday evening, she sent the same message, only said she was staying at his family's home.

She answered Le Boyfriend's phone this morning and this time confirmed that she had stayed at his family's home last night.

Only problem? I spoke with his mother. Both of us know our addicts are lying. (Now there's a surprise!?) His mom says they (she and her DH) are done. If Le Boyfriend is using, he's on his own, kicked out, no support. She, too, is tired of this rollercoaster wrecking her life and her health. She is diabetic, like me, and this wreaks havoc on our blood sugars.

We're probably on the same page ("if she's using, she's out of here"). I can't say that for sure, as my husband is at work and unaware of this morning's conversation with the other brokenhearted mom. He has been so sad the last couple days. It was his wish to bring her home from jail and "send a message about how much she is loved and wanted". Only, once again, she's "not done."

I'm numb, calm, and oddly, more concerned about my husband and oldest daughter than anything. DD1 has GOT to keep it together this semester. That means, we have to keep it together in front of her. She does fine until she sees us disintegrate. I've been sitting here watching my husband worry himself into being ill again. He brought home half a dozen roses for each girl and a dozen for me Saturday and was talking about how nice it was to have all his girls with him for Valentine's day.

And now he opens that door each morning, and there her roses are, with the card he painstakingly chose, never seen by her, beside her empty bed. He wants so badly to believe that everything is okay.

The focus remains to take care of myself, my husband, and encourage DD1 to do the same. I will continue to pray for DD2, that she will come to her senses and find the guts to go to a detox, or that she will be arrested! By her own admission, that is the only way she has been able to stop using in the past.

Back to work for me!


  1. I'm sorry for your husband..for all of you.

    It really is hard for them to start over, I posted on it recently. Especially when they have been at it so long. Most likely she will be arrested soon, and everyone can sleep.

    So sad..I'm thinking of you and your family.

  2. I am sorry for you both. Many times mom and dad were on differnet pages. It is hard enough when everybody is moving forward and then just to deal with our addict. Let alone trying to get everyone moving in the same direction plus the addict.

    My only real suggestion is to have your husband examine his truths. It is very, very painful to do that. Throw the out the hopes, throw out the wishes, throw out what he wants to read into his little girl, look at the truths not the maybe's.

    Then if these are the truths, where do we go today?

    When I did this it got better, it's just that it took 5 years for me to get there. Nothing got better for me or our son until I understood my truths. You may have seen what I wrote about them maybe not, here is a link. http://intervene.drugfree.org/2009/11/7-truths-about-my-addict-that-took-5-years-to-learn/

  3. What a sorry image of opening the door to see those roses.
    I hope you are able to take good sweet care of yourself over these next few days. Blessings to all.

  4. I am so sorry suspicions have been all but confirmed. Praying for us all...
    Would you mind if I added you to my blog roll?

  5. I am sorry. I feel so bad for your husband right now. I have watched that in my own husband and I have felt that in my own heart. That hope that even though everything looks bad, it might not not really be bad. :o(

    I am praying for all of you. Keep us posted.

  6. Why are things so much clearer when they are someone else's problems?

    Clearly, you must take care of yourself and help your husband and other child. They need you now. They want your help and therefore they can profit from your help.

    Our family life is much more near normal now that the addict does not live with us. We are better and she is no worse. We did not protect her from anything by her living with us.

    In honesty, it also did not help her when she moved out. I hoped it would help her but it did not.

    Hint: We did not have to actually kick her out. We just said she could not live here and date a heroine addict. She quickly made arrangements to live with someone else who would let her keep seeing the heroine addict. He, of course did not have the proverbial pot to piss in.