Thursday, February 11, 2010

One Week Later....

She’s been out since 2:18 AM, last Wednesday. She’s here. Le Boyfriend got out the very next night, by way of an interesting turn of events and application of time served and time spent in previous court ordered rehab… resulting in a completed sentence and he was released at midnight. No one had any idea that was coming. Apparently they are really trying to reduce population inside.

She’s working. She returned to work the first day her boss would let her, which was this past Monday. She’s riding the bus 1 hour and 15 minutes (if all goes well) each way. She’s going to meetings (the ones probation ordered, and then a few extra beyond that). She’s already contacted and is enrolling in an outpatient six-month treatment program (probation ordered). She’s made an appointment to see county mental health for medication (probation ordered). Hopefully, that means the county will not blow her off like they did last time. She’s already been to see her mentor, Milton, at a meeting, and she said they had a good talk.

She’s seen Le Boyfriend, once for dinner and once before and during a meeting (the dinner was a direct violation of the no-contact order) and she is talking to him on the phone (also a violation). Her business. She’s a big girl and I’m not going to try to direct her affairs. If I were to say she couldn’t see him, then she’d just see him without telling me. I will not be her policeman. If she is violated and sent back in for the rest of her sentence….. oh well!

She’s already asked to stay with us longer than the agreed upon two weeks. Her dad said if it were up to him, she could stay. I have made it clear that I don’t think this is the best option. I have also said I will support whatever he and she work out.

I also said that this is subject to frequent re-evaluation on both our parts and if this is not working for her, or this is not working for me/us, then she will be expected to find another place. She’s paying a nominal amount of rent, as her sister does. We pretty much pump that money back into the increased power bill, hot water bill, and use it on bulk food runs to Costco or Sams for veggie burgers and fresh vegetables and fruits. Both daughters are packing lunches daily and cooking for themselves at night. With everyone’s varied schedule, family dinners just don’t happen. But there are a lot of impromptu and laughter-filled conversations taking place in the kitchen as we pass each other. I will admit to soaking up the good moments like a sponge this past week and savoring them.

DD1 is tackling her hardest semester in her paralegal certification program, so the timing is not the best, as she writes 30 page papers, etc, but the sisters are still carving out moments here and there to talk, prepare food, and run to Target for the occasional quick shopping.

DD2 is pretty much on her best behavior. She is handling the occasional static around here in fairly mature fashion. I won’t go into details, but the family dynamics are sometimes challenging here, and she’s remained pretty level-headed, despite one blatantly goading, protracted conversation thread with dear old Dad.

We joke about our family sometimes, stating “we put the fun in dysfunctional.” We know all families have some dysfunction in them somewhere. At times ours is glaringly apparent. But we still love each other deeply. Warts, dysfunction, and all.

I read something on another blog, and for the life of me can’t remember where, but I put it on our fridge: “We may not have it all together; but together, we have it all.” Every other member of the household commented on how true that was for us.

I’m letting her do this, herself. She asked me to call mental health today; I suggested she call on her lunch hour tomorrow.

She asked me to get her up in the morning, and since she was dealing with an old alarm not used in several years, I backed her up the first morning. I got up at 4 AM, made sure she was sitting up and looking right at me, advised her that the coffee pot was on, and told her I would not be back upstairs to check on her, as I was going back to bed. I asked her to get me up at 5:30 if she wanted that ride to the bus stop.

I’ll admit I lay awake listening, but I did not go back and get her up again and haven’t gotten her up since. I went back to sleep when the shower started. She woke me promptly at 5:30 and I got her to the bus stop. One of us picks her up there again at night, when she gets in around 7:15. She tends to come in and fix a healthy dinner and then goes online for a few minutes…. And then goes to bed. 4:00 AM comes pretty darn early! She mentioned she may be assigned a later start time in the morning, which would help her a lot.

I heard rumors she might go to an NA convention in San Diego with her old sponsor this weekend. I heard rumors she might spend the night with some of her old girlfriends who have five years clean. I’ve heard that Le Boyfriend wants to take her snowboarding for the day Saturday, out to dinner, to a meeting with Milton’s group, and then to church with his family the next morning. Then again, she has remarked she may sleep right through the whole weekend! Whatever she chooses, it's her business.

I’m personally working hard on my own business this week, because I’m going to two different quilting activities and having some fun with my quilting buddies this weekend! No one who values their head better come betwixt me and my quilt bee this weekend. :)

All in all, we’re holding on, holding each other, holding to our hope, and holding to as many of our boundaries as we can agree on. We’re in the honeymoon period, so we are enjoying it, but we are cautiously optimistic.

Once you choose hope, anything's possible. (Christopher Reeve)


  1. I'm pleased that things seem to be going in the right direction.

  2. I love the peace you have come to. The conviction you hold for your boundaries is inspiring and I learn so very much from you particularily. I am so glad that we met in bloggerland:) It sounds like things are going well, and if they don't, you have the strength and knowledge to turn that around for yourself if nothing else. Good for you and happy quilting!

  3. It sounds like your daughter is really trying this time. It also seems that you are in a good place right now - I'm glad you were able to spend some quality time with your family!

  4. I'm glad you are giving her a chance, but making her work for it. You know what I mean. We are in much the same situation with Andrew, he comes home every Fri, Sat, and Sun. He is grateful to get out of the house (state run-not the best, as you can imagine) and he helps, is respectful, and cleans up. It is nice to have him around as a normal, functioning member of our dysfunctional family.

    You are doing great Joy! You are letting her live her life, with a minimum of help. She CAN do it. Does she want to? Time will tell.
    In the meantime, you have not put your life on hold.

    God Bless, I think often of the prayer warriors;)

  5. This sounds very positive! I like your family :) You're doing such a great job with DD2. I hope things continue to go well. Sounds like she is making a very strong effort.

  6. Cautiously optimistic is good! You sound marvelous, no matter what anybody else decides to do. Enjoy this special time together as a know is a gift! Keeping you all in my prayers.

  7. Happy for you all! Sounds as if she is really trying.

  8. I can relate to so much. The alarm clock story is so us too. I always say we are the perfectly imperfect family. Sounds like its all moving along as good as it can for today and that is good enough. ((HUG))