She called last night at 11 PM several times, and her sister answered it, thinking something was wrong. She was asking for us to pick her up from a questionable area of Santa Ana. Seems Le Boyfriend had ditched her for a bit - was scaring her with some crazy behavior (he's not pretty on speed). I glanced at the local thermometer symbol on my computer (61 degrees and forcast to only drop to the 40s) and said "no." Suggested she call friends in program, or even friends out of program, for a ride and a couch. DH said the same thing. She hung up mad but not ugly about it.
This morning at 7:30, she called me. She had called everywhere on the list, to get a bed in a treatment facility. It's a process that can take a week or two, at best. She has to go to an intake interview for one, she has to do a phone interview for another. The rest she only has to call.
In the meantime, she wanted to stay with us while she got up every day and phoned. She says she hasn't used since Saturday. And that she's "so over this." And willing to leave the Boyfriend behind. He's back with her, and still using. And she said she understands they should not be together; it is a toxic relationship at this point.
I again suggested that she call friends to couch surf until she can get into a place. She mentioned perhaps getting a hotel room today but her money is running out. The shelters here are filled to capacity and the line ups start at 2:30 pm and they are full long before bedtime. She said her friends in program are over her because she's done this so many times. She swears she has no where to go.
I told her that my answer was "no". That I did not think this was healthy for her or us. That her Dad has been sick for four days, coincidentally, starting right when she didn't come back after the first night away with Boyfriend. I said I would ask him when he got home from work and let her know; and that once again, I would not stand in his way.
I don't think this is a good idea. She has lost her job. She would sit here all day. She would make the calls each day and then wait. In the meantime, we would be trying to do our jobs, our chores, our lives, and hoping she doesn't get desparate, steal something and leave?
But she'd be alive and not using, hopefully?
I need the ESH from our little community here. Am I thinking clearly?
My heart thinks it probably should listen to my brain. My brain says, "get out of her way." My heart is afraid that she will then give up and because everyone has rejected her, continue to use or worse, possibly overdose. (She has threatened suicide in the past, resulting in two 5150 admissions to the psych hospital.)
And of course, there is the memory of the lovely incident 15 months ago where she came over here in a drug-fueled rage and walked through the plate glass living room window to get into the house.
Your thoughts? (Thanks in advance for any comments!)
DH called her and told her "no." In keeping with his emotional stage in this right now (angry), he mentioned to her that we've tried having her here (several times) and this time she didn't even make it "two f#%king weeks!" (My emotional stage was "angry/scared" yesterday and "heartbroken/scared" today! I'm thinking it may be a good thing that we're not on the same emotional page!)
He asked her what her plans were, and for now they are going to live in the truck and continue calling for beds. After the conversation which ended with them both telling each other that they loved each other no matter what, he came to me and told me if I wanted to put her in a sober home to continue the calling process, if she is not arrested, or if Boyfriend gets a bed first, that he would not object to that.
So for now, the answer to staying here is "no, pretty much forever", and the answer to possibly assisting with housing until she's in treatment is "no, not yet". She is unaware of the possibility of assistance with housing - she had not even asked for it. That was one of my suggestions and he remains open to that in the future, as a possibility. We are both relatively comfortable not offering that, or giving it if asked, just yet.
Thanks for any past and future comments on this post - I am still interested in all feedback as it will assist us in clarity of thinking as this situation unfolds!
Back to work for me!