Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Stepping out of her way....

Just a quick update. She hasn't been to work yet this week. I don't know who paid rent last week. Not even sure if she's still living in the sober home.

We didn't call her all weekend. I finally called yesterday and I kept it superficial, just asking how she was, and whether she was over the "bug" she had last week. (She did not work Friday either, she said.) She says she is over the "bug" but later dropped a few bits of information that paint a less-than-optimal picture. She was in Boyfriend's car. He had not been to work either. She sounded tired, and teary.

My DH called her today. She was again, in car with Boyfriend, and they were on the way to her Probation appointment where, she informed her dad, she would test clean. Again, she sounded teary and it was obvious to him that something is wrong.

I'm going to focus on getting my work done, getting upstairs to my sewing room, and I'm going to remember to say a quick prayer each time I think of her, and then forcibly focus on something else. We've been down this road enough times to know it is useless to try to intervene and probably even delays her inevitable arrival at the consequences.

I cannot keep her alive. I cannot keep her sober. I cannot make her want sobriety for herself. And wanting it for herself is the only way she stands a chance of success at sobriety.

We're getting out of her way. We will not stand between her and whatever she must learn on this leg of her journey. It is between her, her probation officer, her sober home (if she is even living there), and God. We will, however, NEVER GIVE UP HOPE!!

And to close on a happier note, DH delivered all the cookies to my physician clients yesterday. Here are a few pictures that might make your mouth water!

The picture second from the bottom, is one of the two tables we had set up to pack plates up into bags DH would line up in the car to deliver. The bottom picture is one of the smaller sized plates we filled.



  1. You're in my prayers. Really. The day to day emotional turmoil of are they doing good..are they doing bad..are they alive..you just can't stay on that ride indefinitely.
    "We will not stand between her and her journey." Amen.

  2. God bless you and your daughter. And I must also say...your cookies are beautiful ! Wow !

  3. How did you get the frosting so perfect?!

  4. I can SO identify with you! I'm in SO much pain lately regarding my sons and their choices and sobriety. Thank you for this post. I SO needed it! I was at the store yesterday and bought fresh ginger as I thought it would prompt me to make gingersnaps. Albeit NOT a regular Holiday cookie around here, I thought just the smell of them baking might lift my spirits. Actually, your post did so much than a wonderful aroma could. Love this: "We're getting out of her way. We will not stand between her and whatever she must learn on this leg of her journey. It is between her, her probation officer..."

  5. getting out of her way is probably the smartest and kindest and most loving thing you can do.

    also the hardest.

    my thoughts and prayers are with you.

  6. I need to become stronger and get out the way of my son's journey more. I am sorry you are going through this as I know it is just hard, but you are miles ahead of me and I do learn so much from you. Now, those cookies are just FANTASTIC!!!! Your clients are lucky people, and how sweet of your hubby;)

  7. I read this somewhere--in Courage to Change, maybe, or maybe on somebody's blog: When I know that I can't take care of somebody else, I imagine wrapping them up in a warm, beautiful blanket or quilt and handing them to God. Something about that is really comforting to me.

    You are so strong.

    Your cookies are beautiful, too!

  8. What a beautiful and wonderful idea. They look lovely. xx

  9. It is a very hard lesson to learn but Mom and I are experiencing the same thing. Get out of the way. Alex has been clean for a couple weeks and seems to be determined to stay that way but we have learned to show no more concern for managing his life than we would for our clean and sober daughters. That frees us to regain our life.

  10. What amazing cookies. No kidding! (... about the mouth watering part!)

    This is an awesome post. Sometimes it feels wrong to live and enjoy life, when our children are determined to choose a lifestyle aimed at death. But as you said, you cannot make her want to be sober. Thank you for sharing your heart, which I am sure is a comfort to so many.

    As you said, you will never give up hope. That is a good thing. Know that we are hoping and praying with you!

    Cheri and Wayne

  11. Your strength to let her go is inspiring. It gave me strength to read it. I find it hard to keep my hands off and not try to obsess over what others are doing.

    Your cookies are amazing. Those are top notch in terms of beauty.

  12. I am going back to read your old posts.

    These cookies are gorgeous!

    I hope that each day you are able to reclaim more of your own life.