Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Sigh........

What was that about "no rough patches here"?

I just got off the phone with my daughter.... she relapsed Saturday. (In retrospect it may have been before then.) She says she has been clean several days now.

She was supposed to stay with us several days each week, this month, and then move into a place with her boyfriend when he got off probation later this month or early January.

Apparently he relapsed too, but says he's clean now, that it was just one slip. I hope he is telling the truth because he is risking his license and thereby, his job, if he is using.

We've told her she cannot stay here, since she relapsed. This may seem heartless to her, but as I explained to Boyfriend, we have been told on multiple occasions by multiple different advisers and counselors and program folks, NOT to provide her that kind of cushion. Helping her when she is clean is one thing. But based on having brought her home after "slips" many times in the past ten years, and having it not work out at all, we are not going to repeat that particular scenario.

A lot about her story doesn't make sense. She says she has no money for a sober home. I told her and Boyfriend that I know many sober homes will take you with nothing, and then you can pay when your next check is available. There are places, and she probably knows about them, where she can go and have shelter until she can figure out what she is going to do.

My heart wants to solve this. But I should not do so.

I will be dead and gone one day (probably sooner rather than later, at this rate!) and she will have to be able to figure these things out for herself.

I just don't get it. She was looking forward to getting a place with him, she was happy, I thought.

If she's not done, I guess she just has to go back out there and play that game some more. She's looking at prison if she doesn't get this figured out soon. For several years.

I continue to hope that it won't come to that.

Once again, I am left with not much except tears, fear that she will overdose, fear that she will die....

and hope. She is still breathing. There is still Hope.

I love her so much.

13 comments:

  1. Im really sorry....
    You deserve really good things
    why this has to happen to you?
    Its NOT fair, it really isnt.
    God bless you and your daughter

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  2. i'm so sorry. stay strong with your plan of letting her live out the consequences though. she is very resilient and IS aware of all the places she can go to get help. you are just the first choice, because you are easier (you WERE easier).

    junkies have lots and lots of abilities. they usually do not freeze to death, go hungry or suffer otherwise, they have to many contacts.

    you are right. if she wants help, she knows where to get it.

    {{major hugs}} for you. i just found out my daughter has traded heroin for vodka, i guess being 'clean' on methadone for 3 years wasnt' enough, so she is now drinking almost constantly, and hiding it.

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  3. "My heart wants to solve this. But I should not do so." Those are loving, wise, courageous words written in the midst of fear. From what I've read, you've improved the odds that she'll find recovery by breaking a cycle. Now, if she could just ditch the addicted boyfriend. I will pray for you today.

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  4. I'm sad to hear about your daughter. I will pray for her!

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  5. Heartwrenching post but you are doing what you need to do. Yes, where there is life there is hope.

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  6. Oh Mama, I am so sorry to hear this news. We can't hit our bottom until all the cushions are removed. I am really proud of your clarity to see that this is her problem, not yours. The Lynn House is a 30 days free program, if she's serious about getting sober again. You are in my prayers. {Hugs}

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  7. Ny heart goes out to you; and you are in my prayers and my thoughts. We love our children and throughout their lives have provided them so many opportunities and experiences. But mostly we love them. Isn't it a shame that we can't "love them to recovery?"

    You are so strong and you are clearly making the right choice. Isn't it a shame that the right choice by us hurts our own hearts so deeply? Hang in there and everyone is praying for you.

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  8. Oh honey, I so hear you. Your strength inspires me. It is so hard, but you are doing all of the right things, not that that makes it easier. Thanks for your comment on my blog too btw. In my experience when parts of their story doesn't make sense, I tend to go with my instincts which is that I am being played. Sad but true. ((HUG)) I wish you were closer...we would "do lunch" and maybe throw in a massage! We need it!

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  9. I'm so sorry. I'm probably not the best person to try and say much helpful today.

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  10. "Based on having brought her home after "slips" many times in the past ten years, and having it not work out at all, we are not going to repeat that particular scenario." This quote from your post speaks VOLUMES to me. It doesn't make it any easier and I am sorry your heart is breaking right now. It always breaks my heart when I get so much closer in my relationship with my son or brother when they are sober, months can go by, then out of nowhere, the other side of them shows up...just hurts. I will pray for you and your family, sending you love and light!

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  11. My heart is heavy and sad for you, and we are praying for your daughter and your family.

    Cheri and Wayne

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  12. "The story is not making sense"..uh,oh. You heard the red flag...don't second guess yourself. I'm always very suspicious of the ONE relapse, and then the "I'm all better now."

    Shoot, Joy, it sucks. Keep doing what you are doing.

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  13. I'm really sorry about your daughter. Follow your head and not your heart here. I think that you are doing the right thing by letting her have the consequences for her actions. It sounds as if she needs to figure things out and make some choices about her life.

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