She had ten months. She can get ten months (and more) again. It is up to her!!
I am obviously sad, but this time, just kind of blah. She had everything she could have wanted.
She was clean. She had probation's permission to live with Boyfriend in January. He was almost done with probation (his officer is unaware of his slip and he "hopefully will not test for him before his system clears"). Boyfriend makes extremely good money with the job he has. Buying her a new pair of jeans was not going to be an issue! She had our blessing on staying with us some this month and was looking forward to Christmas. She and her sister were talking (at Thanksgiving meal) about buying matching jammies and hanging out together Christmas Eve, like in years past.
What the heck happened? I have no clue. It's up to her to figure it out. I can't do it for her.
She did call today and she is going back to Agape House later this week, for a while. Not a free or even inexpensive place, but, normally a good house. There is one young lady I know of who may be there, who is "Trouble" (but hey, my daughter has that same middle name!) so, we'll see.
Correction: She'll see.... it is not my issue to stew over. It's truly up to her.
I'm going to go decorate some cookies and then DD2 has an NCIS disk from Netflix - we will watch one episode tonight when we are on our last bit of awareness and then turn in early!
I'm actually pretty okay right now. Teary but okay. It's weird. I'm maybe getting the "detach with love" thing. Maybe I'm just numb. I will obviously be devastated if anything goes wrong, but nothing will be gained by my handwringing in the meantime. I didn't cause, can't fix and can't cure it. So be it!
She knows she is loved. I joked a little with her about that when she called today - "Hey, you are loved and I'm not mad - here's proof - I was ordering your Christmas present when you called to tell me you relapsed, and after we hung up, I blew my nose and finished placing my order! So there, chickadee - you are loved." She laughed at that. Then she resorted to begging to come home. No dice. I stressed to her that we love her, we want her in our lives, we want to be a part of her life, but one of our boundaries is that she cannot live with us when she has been using (or using recently). I ended the call nicely and that was that.
She has to do it. No one else can.
I had a lot of people expressing caring and concern for us today, and I want to let them know we're still standing..... Well, we're wobbling a bit, but we're standing! Thanks for all the prayers and comments. I let DH read them and he seemed strengthened by them also.
"And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God Bless Us, Every One!!"