The leader started a new series last night about self esteem and identity and it was eye opening. At one point, he had us turn to each other and say something to the person next to us (thank heavens I was on an aisle and DD2 was on my right.... Snicker!). We were to say something about ourselves which defined a positive quality, etc.
I was completely stymied. I finally managed something about "I'm a hard worker." That sounded safe. I waited expectantly, and realized DD2 was even more at a loss than I. She said, "I don't know Mom, tell me something good about me."
My brain whirled, and I was sensing this was important to her. She was going to remember what I said. I was really scared because that was a huge moment for her and I felt like if I didn't get it right, she'd ruminate over it later and feel bad about herself. Yes, I realize, I was being codependent or whatever. I told her sincerely that she was a caring person, that she went out of her way to help others (often to her own detriment), that she was giving of her time and abilities, that she had that energy we always spoke of as missing in our house now that she lives elsewhere, that she lit up the room with her presence, I basically blathered on and floundered and she was laughing and saying, "okay Mom, that's enuf."
Later, dammit, he did it again. He had us turn to the person next to us and tell that person a talent we had. I was able to fall back on my quilting
In retrospect, I could think of so much to tell her, and probably will send her some cards this week with positive things about her that I admire in them.... but he sort of put us on the spot. And it was very insightful for me.
He also talked about who we think or say we are. He pointed out that in program, we identify ourselves "Hi my name is X, and I'm an X." He pointed out the distinction he perceived that this is not WHO we are. Who we are is one thing. Our addiction (or what we are in recovery for) is what we've done. Not who we are.
I kind of liked his way of looking at that.
I am going back next week and visit the small group after the big meeting. They have small groups for several different needs. Addiction, codependency, Alanon, etc, and they also have some divided into women's groups and men's groups.
I'm a big chicken. I mentioned wanting to go to the women's Alanon/Naranon group and DD2's boyfriend said "Why don't you?" I pointed to my forehead and said, "see the sign? The one saying F-E-A-R? It took me forever to start going to the meeting I go to up by my house, which I'm not real fond of....."
He interrupted me to point out (probably you've heard this before, but it was new and impactful to me) that F-E-A-R can stand for "F#%k Everything And Run"......
Face Everything And Recover.
And then he dashed over to the information desk and found out which room the women's Alanon/Naranon group was meeting in. And pointed me towards it.... quite respectfully and helpfully...."for next time"... because we had managed to talk and linger by the coffee so long, they had started and the door was shut.
But they had a nice big picture window. I scoped out the group through the window as I walked by. Small group, no one had a third eye.....
I will be there next Friday night. I won't "try" to be there (thank you dadandmom). I will honestly do everything in my power to be there. (I think I will also look around for a new meeting close to my house, since I'm not all that crazy about the one I've been attending.)
DD2 likes her job. I found out it's all in-bound calls - which she likes. She wouldn't like having to be that pesky salesperson who interrupts people's dinners to sell something, etc.... These calls are incoming, from people who want more information about the products her company is selling.
She got an extra hour added daily to her schedule, which is great news. She went to get her court card signed at the end of the Lifelines meeting (she arrived late as meeting started at 7 and she got off work at 7) and she found out the court card signer was her boss at work, who assured her that she would make sure she got off work, in the future, in time to get to this meeting on time. Heh-heh!!
A lot of the girls at her sober home work at that telemarketing facility and also attend the meeting at the Crossing, so she is surrounded by folks in program! She was not aware, however, that her boss was at that meeting until she faced her!
I have much to be grateful for today. :)