Friday, August 21, 2009

Glad! not Sad!

It was a good day today, wrapping up a hectic but good week.

Ironically, nearly every idea on her discharge plan that she and a counselor came up with while she was in jail, was a flop:

residential treatment (either too expensive, or in one case, she was told she had too much clean time.....I knew you had to be clean to go in most of them - like fresh out of detox, but I didn't realize you could be too clean!),

mental health office visit (she's kind of enjoying the mania right now, and no longer in a hurry to get back on her meds....I could seriously bean that mental health staff person because I feel like we may have missed a good opportunity to get her back on her bipolar meds and that would have been helpful),

the MSI application (she may revisit that effort later - it wasn't a complete fail, there are just more convoluted steps to pursue, unless she manages to land a job with benefits!),

and food stamps application (sales conviction three years ago = no food stamps benefits)......

but she is moving on and trying not to get discouraged.

I guess not qualifying for food stamps comes under the heading of Consequences but I refrained from saying the "C" word. I like having my head on my shoulders, thank you very much. I heard her mention consequences herself, later, on the phone to a friend. It would have been a huge help if she could have gotten the food stamps for a few weeks, at least, but, oh well. She'll deal. We'll keep sharing what we can when we buy in bulk, and hopefully she'll be working soon.

This morning, she packed up everything she wanted to take to Agape House (sober home) and we drove over to meet with the house owner. I see why she loves it so much. There was a sign up, welcoming her back. The house owner greeted her with a hug and a kiss on the cheek and told her how proud of her she was, for going into jail sober for her sentence, keeping faithful to her program, and making plans for coming right back to the house as soon as she got out. She's back in her old room. She is home.

I left and returned to our home to find that she had left it quite neat. Her old room is spotless and she left not one thing in the bathroom. There are a few boxes downstairs to stash in the garage for her. The phone has quit ringing. The silence is awfully noticable.

I worked all afternoon, and at her request, my best friend (her "auntie") and I joined her and her Boyfriend at The Crossing Church for the Lifelines recovery meeting. I think I would like to go back and also attend one of the women's small groups after the main meeting next time. They have several small women's meetings, each with different recovery focus. The main meeting was really upbeat and I enjoyed hearing the speaker discuss his insights on the 12th step. My best friend was particularly touched by a young woman who also spoke, interview style, during the main speaker's portion of the meeting. I am hoping she will come to another meeting with me in the future.

After the meeting, and after she and Boyfriend hung out and smoked with some friends, we dropped her off back at the sober home. I am so grateful for where my daughter is right now. When we picked her up, the girls were all home and they all introduced themselves and talked about how glad they were that she was back with them. She is comfortable, safe and sober. She already has several job possibilities and will be following up on those.

I'm going to focus on keeping myself out of her way, giving her the opportunity to discover just how well she can do on her own, watching her grow. Hope and prayers, love and wings, that's probably all I can/should contribute.

It was a good day.


  1. I am sooo grateful she got into one of the Agape houses! I know the owner and a number of women that are there now too. She is in a really good place. I never did make it to The Crossing last night, but our paths are bound to cross eventually. Thank God for good days!

  2. She loves the house. She had been there for several months, doing VERY well, while her cases came up and were resolved. She "left" the house only to go straight to turn herself in for her sentence, after packing her stuff and putting some of it at our house and some at Boyfriend's. It's a very steady house with girls/women with good amounts of clean time and the owner is amazing! Daughter wanted to go into any of that owner's homes (I think she has three?) but when she found out that there was a bed in Agape, in the same bedroom she left, she considered it a "God thing" and it was a done deal! :)

  3. She is making such great steps towards staying well and again, you must just be full of pride. I am very happy for you and for your daughter. God Bless.

  4. I'm proud of the steps she is taking. I'm struggling a bit today with the "letting go." I keep wanting to touch base with her, but she has no cell phone and I keep thinking I should just let her be, let her settle, let her choose her moves. Sigh. This motherhood thing, it's hard!

    I am determined to remain cautiously hopeful and optimistic!

  5. You are doing a great job with letting her learn and maneuver her own way in life. I admire you and your posts give me hope and strength. I know it is hard not to "reach out" because sometimes we just want to hear their voice, but probably a good idea to let her reach out to you once in awhile. I guess we just need to always check ourselves to see if we are calling because we just want to chit chat or because we are calling to quiet some sort of fear within ourselves, if the latter, don't call.

  6. to Mom of Opiate Addict:

    Amen Sistah!!! you are so right! It's MY fears making me want to call. All day I told myself that. And you know what? Five minutes ago, she called just to make sure I had the proper house phone number in case I needed to reach her, and said she'd been laying out by the pool at her sponsor's house all day.

    Snicker!! Lesson re-learned for the 4592nd time..... LET GO!! Sigh! thanks for the comment!

  7. It is so heartwarming to read now an compare the despair from not so long ago. Hang on mom and relish in the now for we never can know the future.

  8. Sounds very positive! I just found your blog and am looking forward to reading more. I hope you don't mind I added you to my links.