Wednesday, April 8, 2009

A good appointment with probation

She saw her probation officer today. The first time she met her, she didn't seem to like her much (not a surprise, but she had a really great probation officer five years ago who actually became fairly close to our whole family). This new one laid down her particular set of rules, one of which included not seeing her boyfriend, and of course, that didn't go over well.

At any rate, she has seen Le Boyfriend a few times at meetings over the past couple of weeks, and I know they met at his parents' company one Saturday to help his parents wash big rigs and basically do some work at that facility in an effort to repay the rides to court, and bail money his folks have put up. However.... they were not supposed to see each other. Their motives may have been reasonably good, but they had been told....

Apparently he went in to see his probation officer who demanded his cell phone, checked his numbers, found out he had called my daughter's sober home, and also read text messages between him and my daughter (on daughter's house-mate's cellphone, as she no longer has one). His probation officer notified her probation officer that they had had contact.....

and the nailbiting began (hers and his.... at our house, the rest of the family was thinking "duh!") A violation could mean either of them could go in.

In the meantime, at 4:30 AM a few days ago, the police banged on DD2's sober-home door, and yelled "OCPD, open up!"..... at which point all 12 sleepy-eyed women assembled in a line in the living room and the housemom opened the door....

In steps my daughter's probation officer and two policemen. One of them roars out her name and she stepped forward. In short order, she was searched, taken back to her bedroom for a search of her belongings, drug tested, and questioned. When they found no drugs/paraphernalia and she tested clean, her P.O. thanked her for cooperating and left. Needless to say, no one slept any more that night. She was told to keep her next appointment, which was today.

Today she went in with several of the girls from her house. They gave her a ride there and waited with her. When her officer came out and called her name, they all stood up and started hugging her and saying goodbye.

Her officer stood there observing this and sighed. "Girls, I'm not taking her in", she said. The other girls started high-fiving and jumping up and down.


"yes ma'am!" they chorused like 14-year-olds, giggling!

So anyway, my daughter had her appointment with this officer and told me later that it was amazing. The officer told her she had been reviewing her case and noticed she had had a long time since her last arrest. She questioned her about what went wrong. She knew about the fact that she had almost two years clean before this relapse. She knew about her mental illness. She noticed that both arrests occured very close together. She asked her if she knew what led to her relapse. At one point she told DD2 that she would make a good alcohol/drug counselor, and she grinned when DD2 told her that she had been taking classes toward that goal until she broke up with her ex, moved home, and relapsed. Apparently, she knew about this, and had even gotten information about my daughter's grades from the college. We think she may have talked with DD2's previous rehab counselor (the one I made the quilt for). At any rate, it appears she did a fair amount of digging!

Long story short.... her officer wants to recommend that she goes into a six month county residential program, and then into six months additional sober home time. She feels there is a very good chance of the DA and the judge accepting her recommendation in return for the guilty plea.

(The lawyer whose name I gave her said she felt she could get DD2 a year residential treatment instead of prison, but she wanted a flat fee of $2,500 for representing her Friday morning. Financially that was not possible. Now her probation officer is telling her she may be able to accomplish something very similar!)

So, worse case scenario, is Friday she gets six months (120 days to serve) prison time, cos the judge just doesn't buy the recommendation. But hopefully, on Friday she gets told 6 months in residential/6 months in sober home. (She would stay in her current sober home until a bed came open, and then immediately go in when called with a bed availability.) A less desirable but still preferable alternative is a 12 month manditory sober home stay. In that case, she'd stay in the current sober home, as she has a sponsor there now (the house mom) and she really is thriving there.

She was really encouraged by the probation officer's attitude. This officer told her, "once I came to your sober home, and you were there, in bed asleep, tested clean, and we found nothing when we tossed your stuff - you had me. I can be a huge and effective supporter, but I have to know you are serious."


On the other hand, she lost the job at the Lube shop. Not because of performance but because her background caught up with her. Her initial background check was clear, but the conviction last week apparently somehow came to someone's attention, and they let her go. Her boss was upset about having to let her go, and told her he was really impressed with her and he'd write a letter of recommendation to the judge and provide a reference for her, any time. I guess she did a pretty good job in the three weeks she was there! But she understands that this is a consequence, and will be, for a long, long time. It will bite her in the butt, many more times.

She is not upset about it. She has a check coming that she says she wants to give to us. She isn't going to begin looking for more work until after Friday's court session, but if she doesn't go in, she has several leads to begin working on Monday.

All in all, she seems to be holding her own. She and Le Boyfriend have stopped communicating, not only because of the risks involved, but because they agree they need to work on themselves, and they decided if one of them isn't waiting for the other when they are "reevaluated in 60-90 days" then it just wasn't a relationship that was meant to be. That's way more mature than I expected.



  1. The nuggets of hope are the precious fuel we all need to contiue this struggle. We all go through these trials of our addicted children. When they are doing right be there because I think no matter how they treat us or what they believe they need us more than they realize.

    Once again the quote on our refirgerator is relevant:

    "It is hard to move towards the future when the past keeps dragging you back to the present."

    We explained this to our son in a way that he finally began to get it. We told him that one day the current present will be counted as the past and that will allow you to move to the future. So make the present the best you can and then you will not be carrying such a heavy load in the future.

  2. Great comment by Mom&Dad !! It would be so nice if there was a way to get these kids to realize how long this crap does follow you in advance of them doing it. Good luck to both you and her!!

  3. It sounds good and her attitude much better. I hope that all works out for her.

  4. I am hopeful for her and YOU. It all sounds good. One day at a time, I hope she keeps putting one foot in front of the other.

  5. It seems to me you love your daughter very much and only want the best for her! Hang in there!