Tuesday, April 21, 2009

120 days

She signed on six months, will serve 120 days likely. The obvious irony: my happiness that my daughter is going to jail for 120 days....

...of county time. Not state prison.

I'm sad that she has to experience her consequences, but I know it's a road she must walk. For my birthday today, I took her first collect call.... so that she could wish me a happy birthday, as she had told me that would be important to her. It was important to me too! It's just a day, like any other day, but hearing my girls' voices at any time, is music to me.

I have told her; however, that this time I can only afford one call a week, and I will visit on Friday mornings. Since DD1 is unemployed at present, hopefully I can steal away with her on Friday mornings to visit DD2, after assigning the morning work to my transcriptionists. This would benefit both me and inadvertently, the inmate! ....my weekend remains intact for my chores and my quilting (which brings me peace) and her friends can visit on the two weekend days when they are not working. She ends up with more company perhaps, and I end up with my weekends.

I am going to try to work on me during this time. I will be doing a little less work, because there is no need to assist with her rent. I will put a bit aside to help her with the first month (only) when she gets out. I feel that much is appropriate and after that, my assistance will be limited to the occasional big item that she may need (not just want!), like a new pair of glasses, or sharing some food we purchase in bulk, etc. That assistance is only available if she is sober and working, etc. I really agree strongly with Annette's comments that to do what she can do for herself is to deprive her of the satisfaction and pride of having done it, and the knowledge that she CAN! (very loosely paraphrased!)

I hope to do a lot of appropriate reading, and a meeting weekly. I need to find again that balance where I take care of myself first, with daily exercise, and time for the things I find meaningful, in order to be more able to be helpful to those around me. I have no idea if that makes sense, the way I wrote it. I'm a bit foggy in the brain today. I'm still sad from losing my friend, still sad from seeing the pain my best friend is walking through as she has lost her soul mate, and just frickin' tired from the mental static while DD2 got through her court situation.

I'm going up to my sewing room. My best friend and I both share the quilting addiction, and she is finding it helpful to spend the occasional hour or two sewing with me, away from her house and the memories.... The sewing room needs a bit of straightening. Later today I will open a few presents from DH and DD1. :)

But most of all, I'm just enjoying some peace, and getting some rest! It's a GOOD DAY!! :)

4 comments:

  1. Sounds like a good plan. I think anyone with a child who struggles with addiction knows exactly what you mean about the relief of knowing your daughter is in jail for 120 days. That is 120 days in one place, with a bed and food and clothes and out of the elements. I get that. Rehab was for me the most relaxed I had been in a very long time.

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  2. Happy Birthday. It sounds like a good day to do what you like to do and enjoy quilting, your friends, the presents, and the peace that your daughter is safe.

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  3. Late as usual, I am...Happy Birthday! Use your 120 days to take a breath and regroup;)

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  4. I'm sorry I'm so behind on all my blog friends lives! Happy, happy birthday and I agree with Annette, these lockups can be respite for us and we so desperately need that.

    Your sewing place, your birthday and a good friend. Perfect!

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