Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Today's kind of a biggie.

DD2 is in court today. She finds out if she will be released Saturday at midnight, or tonight at midnight (if the judge applies some credit days from an earlier arrest). I am working here at my home office, and anticipating a call from her once she is bussed back to the jail and gets through her evening meal and is given time in the Day Room for phone calls.

The sober home bed I thought I had arranged.... has apparently fallen through. It was the only one I could really afford, and the only one she stood a chance at.

(I don't plan to finance this after the first week, at least not completely, but I may supplement a bit if I see forward motion on her part. $160 a week is a lot to cough up in this economy. If she worked full time at minimum wage (and NO ONE is hiring full time here) it would still be difficult, and leave her only about $100 a week for food, bus passes, toiletries, and payments on her 15,000-20,000 of accumulated bad debt).

I waited for someone to call me back, trying to NOT be that pushy mom type....and finally when no one called and it was 4:45 pm, I decided to call them one more time... Only to find out the woman in charge had left three hours earlier and won't be back for three more days.


(I have been told that she may still be able to get in, if there is a bed, if she shows up with her belongings and the money.)

The night she gets out, she's being picked up (likely by me) and brought here to pack her clothing for the sober home, pat her puppy, hug her dad and sister, and the following morning, will leave with me to visit probation officer, mental health office (she did start medication in jail - and is willing to continue it, if someone will monitor her with it in the sober home), and then to the sober home to move in.

If we don't find a sober home, several friends have alluded to letting her stay on their couch, and taking her to meetings, while she continues to call and look for a bed.

Along the way some time that morning on the way to the sober home, I plan to surprise her with an inexpensive trim at the local hair academy. Seems she did a hack job, ahem... took four inches of hair off with a safety razor a couple weeks ago.

That is actually an improvement on her in-jail behaviors. Last time she shaved half her head before they caught her. I ended up taking the #7 on the hair clippers to the remainder when she was finally released. The buzz cut was actually kinda cute. This time it's all (somewhat) just below her ears, and I think a student at the academy can trim up the edges for her.

Her ex-sponsor says paying for the first week, and a hair trim, is not enabling. It's helping her feel good about herself so she can confidently go out there, rested and presentable, and get a job. Okay, I can do that.

I went to my second meeting last night. Improvement in emotional reaction.... I didn't cry all the way home. Yay! I also used the "pass" option when they asked the newbies to share..... I will be considered a "newbie" for one more week and then I can just be a "regular". I do plan to share and speak up in the future, but right now I'm too emotional and I don't want to lose it in the meetings. I think next time I will briefly summarize where I am with "her" and with "me", and ask for any suggestions/direction anyone has for me, and request that they tell me if they think I might be out of line (after the meeting, of course, as I get the impression that advice or direction is not given during the meeting? not sure. They do that (make suggestions) in the NA meetings I go to with DD2, but maybe its different in Alanon).

Will take some $$ with me next time and purchase some literature....

Okay, that's it for now. Must get my work done so that I can be prepared to stay up with/monitor my little trainwreck if she gets sprung tonight. A number of items have been locked away....

I am really looking forward to a hug, and the opportunity to encourage her..... emotionally support her.... and am cautiously optimistic (I will continue to have hope until the day she is not breathing!) and I will continue to try NOT to work her program for her. She has told everyone that all she wants to do is work, go to meetings, and maybe take one college class. Those who have visited her and called me afterwards have stated, "that's the girl I remember--she's back!" That's nice to hear. I'm still cautiously optimistic.

P.S. The same goes for this blog..... if it is your opinion that I'm getting off balance here, please speak up.... I value the input! I wish you all some moments of true peace today!


  1. It sounds good. And it's good that you have meetings and people in the fellowship to talk to. Detaching with love and having low expectations is what I've done. It has helped me and my marriage a lot.

  2. Those first meetings were so hard for me - I strung them out for mnths - and still cried each and every time - but sticking with it meant no more chaos in my life - so I am gonna stick with it a while I suspect.

    You sound like you are heading in a good direction - I wish you the very best!

  3. It sounds to me that you are on the right track! But, I am still sorta a newbie too. Best wishes to you all!

  4. It sounds like you are doing really well in some difficult circumstances. Keep hanging in there. My favorite daily reader is Courage To Change...very gentle. When I am beginning to spin, I look up topics in the index like fear, control, letting helps a lot to get myself where I belong. It is a tough journey. Take good care.

  5. Annette, I saw that book at my meeting. I think I will get that one next week! Thanks! You take care of you, too! :)