Sunday, February 8, 2009

Thank you

Thank you all so much for your comments. I have been reading your blogs, and I'm finding this whole blogging process very helpful. I have another blog that I have used for several years for my quilting and family "happy" events. My DH wanted that blog to remain a "happy" place, and since a lot of his friends view it, that is why I started this blog. It helps to vent. It helps to read others' stories that strike such a chord of familiarity. It helps to learn what works for some and what doesn't work for others. I'm really grateful to you all, and I will write more later. I have just a couple things to jot down and then I must get to bed.... Monday's almost here!

I saw my daughter Saturday and we had a good visit. She got 30 more days when she saw the judge, and I don't know what will happen after that. There is one case still pending, and I have no understanding of what is going on with it. She has a public defender and it is her problem to work out. I'm continuing to try to keep her name on the waiting list for the county-paid residential treatment center she would like to go to. I will attempt to also organize all the papers that have come to the house in her absence. I'm trying to encourage her to at least contact the people she wrote bad checks to, or the hospitals that treated her, etc, and give them an estimate of when she could begin making payments. It's my fear that she will end up in the residential treatment (on probation) and these creditors will come after her (especially the ones to whom she wrote the bad checks).... it would seem to me like they could take action that would result in a violation of her probation, but maybe I'm wrong. If I'm correct, a violation would result in prison time upstate. Again, it's her problem. (She's already done bankruptcy once.) I will organize the papers, and she can decide what to do with the information from there.

Read a post on Lou's blog, regarding addicts who have traveled the road to recovery. "They are honest & no bullshit and they are kind & reasonable to their fellow man. I really like these people."

Amen! Some of my dearest friends today, I met in program, attending meetings with my daughter. I've never turned down her request to come and see her take a chip.... I still have her first (only) year candle.... someday I hope to add another candle, and then another.... That candle was given to me by Rick, who has multiple years of clean time. I met him when she first went into program, and he's kept touch with us ever since.... good times and bad. He is fighting lymphoma now. I've made him a quilt to wrap up in when he's feeling green from his chemo. He is a sweet, gentle man.

Her rehab counselor was a terrific guy named Milton. Per his words on her first birthday, "he and she went way past counselor and client, a long time ago." She completed his program and went on to get that first birthday candle, and then almost made it to the second one. He was as crushed by her relapse as we were. He still stands ready to help, when SHE is ready. I love him dearly. He has been so helpful to us. I always go to a meeting when he takes his birthday - and this month, he'll take his 20 YEAR! I'm making him a quilt just for that occasion. Maybe I'll post a picture of it here, when it's done.

These friends in program have a dignity and wisdom that is hard won, and they teach me so much. I could listen to Milton share for hours. And the kindness Lou mentioned..... During the last couple of wildfires here in SoCal (one of which was mere blocks away) I had calls and offers from friends in program to help me evacuate.... I didn't get that kind of concern from my work, my church, my "normie" friends.... but my daughter's fellow addicts in recovery? They kept tabs on our family for days.

I have always felt comfortable in a NA/AA meeting, because they made me so welcome.

Of course, that makes me wonder just why I hesitate to attend a F2F Alanon or Naranon meeting myself? Perhaps I'm scared of the work I think I'll need to do? I'll ponder that.... but probably not tonight. I'm pooped. I've been cooking all weekend. (I use once-a-month cooking strategies sometimes, and then I can spend more time in my sewing room - that makes me happy! This time, I was cooking extra for my friend who's husband has brain cancer. He's not doing well.... Hopefully having some meals on hand will help her while she's spending so much time going to and from the hospital.)

Again, thank you all for your comments. They mean a lot to me!



  1. I'm so glad you do the things that make you happy! This post, and Lou's made me smile...

    I see in you both that which you see in others


  2. i will pray that your daughter gets into the rehab you are hoping for.

    and i am not sure, but if the court ORDERS the rehab, i don't think the creditors can bother her while she is in might want to check.

  3. I loved this post. I have several friends who are carrying their own crosses right with physical illness. I have been so hyper-focused on my own family that I have not reached out the way I like too. You inspired me to get moving and do something that will touch them but it will also bring perspective and focus to my own life.

    Thanks for sharing. Now if I only knew how to quilt! I am more of a fleece, tie in knots, no sew, blanket maker. lol

  4. Glad to "meet" you here! This is a great community of supportive people! I am a newbie at Al Anon, having only been there 3 or 4 months, but I LOVE it! And...I was never a joiner or ever one to think about spilling my guts/issues in public, but it's so different there. I hope you'll consider it soon. Best wishes for your daughter in recovery. Mine aren't there yet. Blessings, Lisa

  5. Just hung up from a call from my son that is currently in jail. Asking me to forward info to his court appointed lawyer and the judge, pre-sentencing stuff. Of course when he was home I ask him if he had all that blue paper done and given to his probation officer. He said YES, leave me alone and don't worry about it. Now he's calling for help on the things he said he already done.

    I am learning that until they begin to take responsibility for themselves there is virtually nothing we can do to help other than to try and keep them alive.

    We're with you in spirit here in Kansas.

  6. Hey, I just nominated you for a "lovey" award....head over to my blog to receive it if you are interested. Blessings to you fellow momma.